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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> JADE
Post Info TOPIC: JADE
Fifi


Senior Member

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JADE
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Hi
I was just reviewing David's review of alanon and some abbreviations commonly used.
I came across one I had not seen....JADE...justify,argue,defend,explain.

My first response was" I remember my Abf accusing me of these things in every discussion"....he would be so angry that everything I said would be explianing my behavior....he always just wanted me to say sorry and drop it. That got old....I wanted discussion....but always felt hesitant knowing my style was going to be called the above terms. Left me doubting myself and wanting to avoid his angry response.

But then I think....these terms are actually what He did a lot of....the justifying and arguing especially.

Guess in an unhealthy relationship of addiction and codependency JADE would be common in both directions.
Funny that after his sobriety it was actually worse!

Just wondered what some of your experiences with JADE have been.

Love, Fifi

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Denoraphy


Veteran Member

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Fifi,
I first heard someone from this board use the term JADE when I was a newcomer in my recovery.  It really gave me a good sense as to how Ishould behave while my AH is having 'one of his moments'.  I was really confused  as to how I should handle those times when he was drunk and/or high and I became the center of attention for all of his irrational outbursts.  I felt like I was being backed into a corner and I needed to fight my way out kicking and scratching.  And that is what I usually did.

One day my daughter (14) said to me, 'Mom, why do you get so upset when dad says those things to you if they are not true?'  I knew it was time to do something.  I came here and heard about JADE.  

It can be difficult at times to not get sucked in, but it really has helped me knowing that I don't have to respond to his crazy allegations, and I even feel better knowing that I didn't add to my own misery by giving him more to feed on.  

  

 

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carolinagirl


~*Service Worker*~

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So does that mean if I'm jaded I'm done with all those things now since it's past tense? LOL

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Christy


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When you are being verbally attacked or baited, use JADE and when you have done something like set a boundary. No explanations or justifications are needed.
It is what it is..period.

I have used JADE not only with my A but with people that have a tendancy to try to stir sh*t and get a rise out of me. I'm sure I'm not supposed to get any satisfaction that when applying JADE the person tries even harder to ruffle my feathers and can't....but I can't help but smile at seeing JADE in action.
One person in particular repeatedly tried for over a year to get a rise out of me. As I applied JADE and totally ignored them the attempts got more frequent and escalated to more severe comments. Eventually, it stopped because the person either got tired of it or felt defeated. Either way, it works like a charm :)

Christy

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lilms


Senior Member

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I always laugh when I see JADE. For the longest time I thought it meant
Just
Another
Drunken
Escapade

biggrin.gif
lilms

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1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and....
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Christy


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HA!!! OMG! That's funny lilms.

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Positivelydee


Veteran Member

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Okay - I am not sure about how this one works....
If someone attacks me verbally I am supposed to.....
Justify
Argue
Defend and
Explain??

Isn't that engaging them even further?

I'm sure I'm missing this one ~ maybe I'm tired!! LOL!
Anybody care to explain it further?confused

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bobump


~*Service Worker*~

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No what it means is when we engage in Justifying, Arguing, Defending and explaining we are becoming Jaded. 

So the slogan JADE is a reminder of what not to engage in. 



American Heritage Dictionary - Cite This Source
jade 2  premium.gif  speaker.gif   (jd)  Pronunciation Key 
v.   jad·ed, jad·ing, jades

v.   tr.
To wear out, as by overuse or overindulgence. See Synonyms at tire1.

v.   intr.
To become weary or spiritless.

n.  
  1. A broken-down or useless horse; a nag.
  2. A woman regarded as disreputable or shrewish.


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