The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello Everyone. My name is sonja and I'm new to this site. Not to Al-Anon though. I've been a grateful member for a couple of years now and sometimes I think my progress is just soooo slow. My qualifier is my son. He's 34 years old and has lost everything time and again. I was the worst enabler in the world until I fully realized what I was doing. We talk and then we don't. I'm trying so hard to build some kind of a relationship with him right now. We talked a bit yesterday and I didn't yell once...lol....it's heartbreaking for sure to see him the way he is, but I know I'm not in control and he has to want it for himself. I'm thinking that besides my meetings it would help to come online since I spend a lot of time on the computer and you seem like such caring people with a lot of ES&H to share. And I have a lot of anger that needs to be worked on. Thank you for listening
Welcome to this phenomenal group. I have been here more than 2 years. My life is so so so different as a result of this. Things were very slow for me for a long long time. Then they started to improve. Please write as often as you can. I don't use the term enabler that much. I think its incredibly difficult to deal with an active or even a sober a.
Welcome, Sonja! We are glad to have you here, there is so much kindness and ESH here. I live in a rural area without Alanon meetings (within 30 miles at least) so it has become an adjuct to the meetings to check in here every day. I do have local open AA meetings to attend as well, thankfully they are very open to having me there.
Jump right in and get involved, the more the merrier!
Maresie2...Thank you for your reply. You said something to me that took the weight of the world off my shoulders just now. You said it's incredibly hard to deal with an A and that you don't use the word enabler too much. You see my son asked if he could use my home to visit with his kids. For months I said no. I thought he would change...he didn't. Yesterday I said yes, but I wouldn't do the footwork. That he was to arrange it all. And that it couldn't interfere with my life. He was happy but my daughter went up one side of me and down the other saying it wasn't a good idea. I accept my responsibility in that I'm sure I got her way too much involved in something that shouldn't be her business, but I walked around all day with a heavy heart feeling I did the wrong thing again. Oh man, does this stuff ever end????
Hi Sandra...welcome to MIP. This is a wonderful place to be.
I, too, have an A son. He is 36 and he visits his children at my home. It is really hard but when the children come to my house...so does he. He is actively drinking so he is not allowed to drive the kids anywhere. Although he has never done anything that provoked this decision from his ex-wife, they live about 1 1/2 hours from us. I hope that he can someday prove to her that he would not drink when they are around. He spends weekends at my house when they are there and does not drink at all. At this point I believe he would not.
It is a feeling of comfort to have other mothers of grown children on here who are going through the same thing as me.
Glad you found us. Lots of wonderful people here. I think for me this board is a reminder i am not alone. There are others who share my experience in one way or another. I need the reminders that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I sure can't control it. Together we can make it. Keep coming back.
