The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Here's the logic of an A: I'm having a bad day because of the fallout from the things I did last night while drinking, so I'm not going to keep the appointment with the addictions specialist.
He missed work, something he always prided himself on never doing, because he thought he'd called his boss to let him know he wouldn't be in. He's called off before, but he never just didn't show up. Boss calls at 5:15, yelling that he can't believe he'd do this to him, on a Friday of all days, etc. He's the baker for a bagel shop, so the bagels don't get made if he's not there and his boss doesn't know to come in early.
Then there's also a message from the friend at whose house he was until 10:00 (when he gets up at 2:00 AM) -- "I thought we were friends. I don't appreciate that you dropped my phone in the pool and kicked in my side door. I expect new ones."
The phone was an accident, and he kicked the door in because he had the friend's car keys, didn't want to leave his very cherished car on the street in the not so hot neighborhood, and noone answered the door despite knocking for 5 minutes.
I was not my usual warm self, shall we say, when I got home from work. He usually goes on the offensive when he feels defensive, and oddly enough for him he tried to humor me out of my coldness. It worked to an extent, and I appreciated his approach, but it feels like something's shifted, and that's good.
I told him if he ever decides to do something about the drinking not to even let me know until he's actually done it. I don't want to set myself up again. He can make the appointment on his own, get there himself (he's not too familiar with the area and likes me to go along the first time), the whole nine -- I don't even want to know.
Strangely enough, I feel kind of empowered today, probably because of that shift I mentioned earlier. It feels like another step in the detachment process, and that's a good thing.
That's a pretty sad thing he did to his friend. You see it as a power shift but it sounds like your just settling for his behavior. I'm not in your shoes I'm only telling you what it sounds like when you are explaining. There are no good excuses for his behavior with the phone and the door. I hope he replaces them. My husband was a functioning alcoholic so he never screwed over his boss. I bet your ah's boss is really ticked. I hope he can find another employee who will take their job seriouis. You must be mortified. Take care.
