The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello Again....(saw that in a movie, and wanted to say it)..lol
Well, for three days, I have cried my eyes out over a lost love. I have been feeling, used, abused, worthless, useless, not good enough, comparing myself to other women, etc!!!(stinking thinking)
All this is due to a recovering A who cannot commit to me... You all know this relationship has been running on and off for a while now. Today, I'm starting to "Hope" I am on the right path to moving on from this.
I was no different from anyone else, I wanted to be loved, feel loved, feel someone would take care of me, be there when I needed a friend, when I needed a shoulder to cry on... WOW, boy was I delusional...Imagine turning to an Alcoholic looking for that...lol (gees-is)
Anyway. I am going through horrendous pain today, But I'm going "Through" it. I keep thinking of all the "Hurts" I got from this relationship. Even going way back years ago, I see them now. I didn't realise they were the behavour of an Alcoholic. (Isms)
I spoke to my sponsor today, and she told me I am doing everything the programme asks me to do. Meetings most nights (f2f), picking up the phone speaking to people, passing on the programme to others, focusing on my f2f group I opened, building that up, and I'm enjoying it.
Someone said to me the other night "Ally, look at the state your in, this is your life, why let someone take all that from you"....(this was a man, and I love him for telling me that, great al-anon friend)
I know I have a tough road ahead of me, I know there will be the odd tears, the days where I grieve the loss of this person. He's still within my reach, and thats the hardest bit.... I'm out every night, dressing myself up, "faking it, until I make It", and I WILL make it... I have "Survived" a life of hell growing up. I have moved by that, put it in the past, forgiven people for things they put me through...Thats why I joined this fellowship..... Then Ironically, The person who encouraged me to join, then becomes my A......(HP must be having a laugh here on this one..lol)
There is life, after the Alcoholic...I know everyones situation is different. Not easy to walk away with one thing or another. I'm Lucky I can, I have no ties, only "emotional ties" and I'm working on them....
Please say a wee prayer that HP, gives me the strength, courage and willpower to get on and through this "letting go" period in my life.
this is tough and I can identify with you through this, it is very difficult not to feel worthless when someone you thought so much of lets you down and is incapable of loving you the way that you love them, I will say a p ayer for you,
Can you do a little "ritual" today, a 'letting go' type thing? Just for you, only HP knows your future with or without him. Who knows what is waiting in the wings for you? Open 'er up and let the light in!
BTW your posts are always a kick in the pants :D even when you are sad.
(stinking thinking)
...Imagine turning to an Alcoholic looking for that...lol (gees-is)