The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have come to a conclusion. When I have a problem with something or someone it is really a problem within myself. I'm too needy, I'm not patient enough, I'm not persuasive enough, I'm not something....and it may not even be something that someone else really needs rather something that I THINK someone needs that is going to make ME feel better. If I could figure this out, boy, would my life get easier.
Just to let you know that you are not alone. I am so into reacting to what others do - mostly getting upset, offended, angry, etc.
My sponsor says - the same thing you stated - if I have a problem with someone or something - that I need to look at what is happening within me because that is where the problem is.
Hmmmm okay. I guess. But - had this or that or the other thing not happened I'd be just fine "within me" LOL!!
But I know that she is right and usually what is happening within me is that i am hurting... either my ego has been bruised or I feel threatened in some way (usually feeling potentially abandoned) ~ For me what is happening inside is that I am full of fear and that comes out in my being defensive, sarcastic and downright - well - bitchy - though, sometimes it may also come out in more self destructive ways like cutting or bingeing as well.
Thanks for sharing and I just wanted to let you know you are not alone :)
Just wanted to say keep growing hon! Your post reminds me of the 3 A's (Awareness, Acceptance, Action) and you have the first two down already! It helps me when I am working on something to be gentle with myself as I work along in my recovery. Recovery is a process and I can see you growing. Keep up the good work!
Love & hugs - Jeri
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The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
This is such confusing territory for me too....seems like the mind and the emotions and history and present moment get all mixed up sometimes. That is when I really try and step back and detatch my self from the situation a bit and just notice how I am reacting....then I try and realize what is it I am really feeling...very often I actually have to physically move my location to get clear (take a walk, take a shower, take a drive)....but I have been working at it for months now and the haze is not as thick. You are brave for facing these parts of yourself....good work! Keep coming bacK.
This is true of most people, only they don't recognize it. For those who do it can become a tool for change. Last week my AH wrote a list to me of all of my faults (nice eh?). In reality, it was a list of all of his resentments of me...his problems. Unfortunately, he does not have your insight.
okay. I guess. But - had this or that or the other thing not happened I'd be just fine "within me" LOL!!