The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Since just completing my fear inventory - I wanted to share with the group some of my 'ah-has' - My entire life is motivated by fear. Mostly it is fear of rejection - or more precisely abandonment.
Right now - this is my reality = I am very happily married (1 year) to a recovering alcoholic (12 years) I am teaching at a university (my dream job) - my alcoholic father and abusive family is many hundreds of miles away from where I live - and I don't talk to them (except my mother)... I am loved, I am happy and I am safe.
YET - I wake up full of fear. It isn't in my head so much as it is at my "core" at my center - coming from - what I am guessing to be my "little girl" -
FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real
Someone once told me that FEAR is the absence of FAITH ~ which makes sense to me - If I could just remember always that my HP loves me and will ultimately do what is best for me ~ then no matter what happens I'll be okay.
Easier said than done. I'm working step 4 right now - but find myself needing to go back to steps 1 - 3 all of the time!! one step forward three steps back!
Just thought I'd share - I'd love to hear your ESH with regards to getting out of fears grip.
Dee, I was raised in an alcoholic home, too. What better environment to cultivate a core sense of fear in a child I don't know -- neither of my parents were in recovery until my mid teens.
I can't say I've rid myself of a whole lot of fears, but I'm waking up to the fact that because of them, I am rigid and doubtful and cynical, thus I know I miss a lot of opportunities for myself because of it.
You said "Fear is the absence of faith". Good grief, did that every hit home for me!!! Thanks so much for your post. I'm going to let that ring in my head today, it will be my mantra and meditation.
I really enjoy your posts about your fourth step inventory, I get much from them.
I'm glad my posts are helping you and it helps me to hear that people relate so that I dont' feel so alone - or so weird. This is a place where I know I am understood and so I feel safe here. Thanks so much! :)
I'll be honest, when people say Fear is a lack of faith it drives me nuts, lol. Fear is an emotion, a God given one. It's part of our make up, part of who we are and thinking that if only we had enough faith then we wouldn't be fearful is a goal impossible to achieve.
Okay, I might be crossing a line here but bibilcly Paul talks about having "Conflict without and Fears within" but was "comforted" by coming of Titus. My Hp works thru people -- and knowing that fear is part of what my HP has given me in the huge range of human emotions helps me to know that whatever I am feeling is okay. I strive for balance and not to live in the emotional extreems. When I am in an emotional extreem then I look to my HP for help and I look around in hopes of my "Titus," which most often is my sponsor.
Please take what you like and leave the rest. I hope that I didn't offend anyone with the bible reference, it was used only to help dispell the thinking that fear is a lack of faith. Fear is an emotion -- as is pain, sadness, joy etc.
