The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Does anyone else feel "afraid" when leaving home---away from the phone?? Just waiting for the next "scary" phone call. My "A" son (age 32) usually calls me at least every other day. Well last week he called-and I told him Bill collectors were calling here (don't know how they got MY number again)--regisitered letters...Anyway he was with out work for about 6-7 weeks and wehn he works makes BIG $$$ But the old same old-same old--never saves a penny. Anyway he says to me I haven't even got any food to eat!-- Well I think that did it for me. So I have not talked to him since he called me a week ago--he has not tried to call me----and I'm not calling him before we leave for 1 week. His mail has be forwarded to him, so I CANNOT see his debt-and I have and will continue to put this again in God's hands. His Dad my Ex-hubby was the same way and when we were married I tried to "save" him also by paying his bills etc............. I can't believe that my youngest son is the same as his dad! His dad didn't even raise him--guess its in the "genes".Thanks!
I'm sorry you're going through this. When do we ever see our grownup adult children as adults and not "our kids"? My kids are in their 40's and I'm still trying to see them as adult and not "my kids!" -- lol.
Your son is ------32! He's a man. He's responsible for his own bills. Yes, it hurts when they remind us of our ex's. My oldest daughter and husband can't handle their finances, either. As far as I know, they're not alcoholics or drug addicts, and I know from my experience of being a single mom that financial problems are most painful.
You're not responsible for his bills and if he's not living with you, then whoever is calling has the wrong number. It's not your job to handle his mail - he needs to send in an address change.
Love must be tough! It kills me not to send money to my daughter to get her out of debt. I know, though, that if I do, I'm enabling them, and hurting myself. My granddaughter has hinted for me to send her money. She has three children that she and her husband can't afford. She kept getting pregnant because she wanted the kids, with no thought of how to support them. The kids are on Medicaid while the parents spend money on whatever they want, then can't pay their bills. My granddaughter whined to me, "I don't know how I can keep my daughter in private kindergarten because we can't afford it" -- !!. That breaks my heart, but I can't afford to pay for it either as I think she wanted, and if I did I'd be enabling big time which wouldn't be good for anyone.
Turning it over to God is good and the healthy way to handle it. I guess most of us have some "thorns in the flesh." I'm just thankful that I know I'm doing the right thing thanks to this program.
I wish you good detachment and happiness.
What helps me the most is to love and pray for them, but stay emotionally detached from THEIR problems.
