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My ah hasn't seen the kids since May right so he was on his way tonight. I get a call that the clutch in his truck is broken. I believe him but the kids are devastated. He had them all worked up to go to the water park as a family. The next time he can come is in a month from now because we won't have the money again till then. :( I swear they are going to have trust issues. I've explained it to them but they are hurt just the same. Thanks for letting me vent.
Hi , your kids will learn to accept and understand that chit happens - if you handle it in a positive manner they will too. And if the alcoholic is still drinking this won't be the last time they are dissapointed by him ,unfortunatley it's a lesson we would rather they not have to deal with . they will learn acceptance much easier and faster than we do . The only thing I did right in raising my children durring the drinking years was to not involve them in or share with the them the problems thier father and I were having . Lots of hugs for your kids this weekend andmaybe u can take them to the water park by yourself tomorrow . good ole plan B . Make your plans just dont plan the outcome.
Agree with abby - the kids will learn to trust people who are trustworthy, and accept that some others can't be counted on. May not be the optimal family life situation that you would like, but it's what you've got. Your part of this is to make sure they can rely on YOU, and maybe to see if you can have other reliable adults in their lives - aunts and uncles, friends, teachers, coaches.....
When I look back on "disasters I have made", it was my expectations that usually turned a slight problem in to a major fiasco. The reality in our lives was that we could only really count on my husband to be home on Christmas Day (bars are closed). I refused to accept this reality for many years, and built up expectationos, both in myself and in the kids, only to have them disappointed.
I love you guys. YOu made me feel much better. Thank you. We did have a good day. We skipped the water park because they can't swim and it's too much for me with three. So we went to the movies, out to lunch, out shopping, visited a friend. They are beat and so am I. Tomorrow is church and then I have no idea. Maybe the pool. Or skip church and go to the pool. Sometimes I just don't want to hear the good word. I want to bask in my misery for a bit and think about thinks while I am upset. Again...........thanks...and love ya bunches. mwah
When I was first divorced, my ex would talk to my then-10 yr old daughter and tell her he was going to take her here, there, wherever, whenever he had his visitation with her. It would, almost every time, end up where he would call and tell her he couldn't come to get her, he had to help his dad, her "pappy", with the hay (farm life) or something else that he considered more important than being with her. Thing is, he always used that same excuse with me when we were married. I saw the hurt and disappointment in her eyes, even in her body language, after she would hang up the phone.
One day I finally told her to call him on it...to let him know how hurt she was. It was amazing to me when I heard her tell him that on the phone the first time. She told him that he had already committed to doing something with her, and that she wanted him to keep that committment. They went around and around for a bit on the phone, but she ended up winning.
I know it's not about winning, it's about empowering ourselves and not being used/treated as if we aren't important. She wanted to see her daddy and darn it if she wasn't gonna do all that she could to get him to keep his committment to her!
I have seen her confront him many times since then on different issues relating to him breaking committments to her. She's come a long way, baby!
I know your AH couldn't help it because the clutch went out on his truck, but still disappointment is disappointment. Just wanted to let you know I understand.
