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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> How do you know a person is an Alcoholic?
Post Info TOPIC: How do you know a person is an Alcoholic?
pepodwyer


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How do you know a person is an Alcoholic?
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     How do you know if a person is an alcoholic?  I read the page that described
   the behavior.  I see some of it in my husband.  I grew up around abundant
   alcohol use, but it still took me a long time to realize that my father was
   an alcoholic.  He drank every day, not getting falling down drunk.  Alcohol
   was always at the center of every function and holiday.  My brother is an
   alcoholic, the kind that does get falling down drunk.  With my husband, though,
   I am not sure.  The thing that makes it hard is that he is a Brewer.  He makes
   beer as a profession!  He doesn't take advantage of it on the job, like some
   brewers who drink while they are working.  In fact, he doesn't like to drink
   during the day at all because it makes him tired.  He only drinks a sip when he
   has to check a beer.  But, he drinks every night, usually.  Lately, he decided
   to just drink on the weekends.  But, he almost always goes downstairs in his
   room.  I don't know how many he has, but it is often more than 2.  He never
   gets "drunk".  But for a long time he would drink every night.  I couple of years
   ago, I saw the dilema that we are in, that he is a brewer by trade, he doesn't
   have other skills to change jobs.  I come from an alcoholic family.  We have
   two young children, a 4 year old and a year-old.  I am at home with them
   right now.  I love them so much and I just want them to grow up to be
   healthy, but I see how my upbringing and my husbands issues affect everyone.
   I have just realized that I need to attend Alanon.  I'm hoping this will help me
   to see things more clearly.  Thanks for listening--reading.       Laurie

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Laurie
Lunamoth


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Welcome Pepodwyer

In Alanon the question really isn't if your loved one is an Alcoholic but whether their drinking has affected you. Even if you husband isn't, you've stated that you grew up in an enviroment where Alcohol was a strong factor and it has affected you to the point you worry for your children's sake about how they grow up today.

Figuring out who is and who isn't an A doesn't really help us. We learn how we've been affected, how we behave or react to others because of this disease...we also learn how to undo a lot of the damage. It's a process -- we become aware of how this disease has affected us, we learn to accept certian things such as powerlessness and not being able to control all things, then we learn to take action to better ourselves and our environment. (these are the 3 A's Awareness, Acceptance, and Action) It's a process -- a journey.

I would encourage you to read How Alanon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics and to pick up a copy of Hope for Today, a daily reader that deals with Adult children of Alcoholics. I hope you'll consider trying a local face to face meeting too.

Please keep coming back and read as much as you can on this disease.

Luna

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Jerry F


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Aloha Pepo!!
Lunamoth put it all in a nutshell.  I was told that if my wife's drinking bothered me that it was the only reason for ME to seek help.  No man (I suspect) wants an alcoholic for a wife and I for one wasn't ready to call her one.  Plus I was as confused by alot of things such as you are.    If your husband is concerned about his drinking he can contact a professional or AA or his doctor for help.  In the meantime taking Luna's suggestions will open up a world of information and support for you.

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/tests/l/blquiz_alcohol.htm , is just one site that offers a simple test for the alcoholic to answer in order to determine if he/she should go for help.  Again this test is for them and you can get some good information from it yourself.   Donot use it to judge!!  Use it just for information.

Keep coming back.  (((((hugs)))))

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Friendofyours


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I don't think anyone here can tell you if your husband is an addict or not. If I had a say I would say he's right on the fence. Have you spoke with him about it. He will show signs such as denial, hiding his drinking, making deals about the drinking, limiting it...if he flat out can not go without a drink for a while then there may be a problem. The only person that knows for sure his himself. I hope you two have good communication because talking can solve alot of problems before they get too bad. Good luck sweetie. Please keep coming here. Your in my prayers.

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lin0606


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At alanon we try to keep the focus off the other person, and keep it on ourselves - make sure you are living the best life you can in the circumstances.  The reality is - he is going to continue doing what he is doing.  You have choices - accept this, and find a way to be happy with it, decide that it is not for you and leave, or something in between. Alanon is about helping  you to find out what you want, and to get the skills to go for it.

Some of us have found that using alanon tools allows us to be able to stay in the marriage and still be happy, even if the alcholic is still drinking. Others have found that they needed to get out of the marriage for their own good, and alanon helped them get the strength to do that.  No one here knows what will be best for you - all we can do is share what worked for us.

We can't help you get your husband to stop drinking.  We CAN help you find better and healthier ways to deal with his drinking so it does not destroy you.

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gardengal


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Good question....... However I believe there is no answer , really.  I agree with the posts above, and have not much more to add. However if the drinking is affecting you or your lives in any way, then it is time for you to get help for yourself. Alanon , as said before will help you, and in some cases, when you change your attitude the alcoholic will also seek help for herself/himself.

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gardengal
Fifi


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Thanks for posting...this question and the answers got me thinking. I just spent the last year and a half with my first addict....but was it really the first time? I look back at my family....and most of all I look at myself and my patterns/reactions/feelings. This site has helped me so much. I have also learned to look honestly and calmly at my life with an A.....I saw what was going on in my life from a detached place (detached used to be a dirty word to me!....now it holds many a way to an answer). Wether or not your husband identifies is not always the point as many have said.....how does the drinking effect you? My boyfriend did identify as an A, got sober, is well into recovery....but his behaviors with or without the drink left me unhappy,selfdoubting,scared.

Keep coming back and posting your thoughts!

Love, Fifi

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pepodwyer


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     Thanks for all your posts and words of welcome!  I know that I need to work
   on myself,especially with resentment, not only towards him, but towards my
   family and myself.  I just want to offer my children better.  He is a great father,
   but the two of us don't always do so good with each other, and I know that
   affects them. Thanks again for your support!    Laurie

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Laurie
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