I am living in a house right now with a woman and her son which is really bringing up a lot for me.

I've written before about seeing her codepenence in myself.

She really puts out for her son who really just does what he feels like. Talk about a mirror of many situaitons for me.

Lately she has been getting out of control with her demands of me. I spoke to her recently that I am not going to jump when she asks me for something. Last night I asked her to stop requesting whether I had a glass or something of her.

So in other words she is backlashing onto me because she simply can't get through to her son.

He sits around all day and does nothing (well he looks down on her). She also has a friend living with her and I have stopped asking what her friend is doing. I can't even imagine the strain of that although I've been there and done that.

I could always justify the backlashing I did on others. I used to totally go "off" on the A's friends because I felt so out of control about the way the A manipulated me and set me up.

The irony is that in some ways the A is still doing that. I don't live with him anymore but I'be been heling him set up in another place. He is not doing well with that.

I can see its the same old merry go round of its "all his way".

So while I empathise with my housemate I also see how out of control it makes her. I really do not want to look at being totally out of control.

I say No a lot to the A these days. I set tremendous limits which I did not do before. I also do not live with him day in and day out.

The boundary stuff is so so difficult for us when we live in chaos. I also think the boundary stuff is very difficult around saying no.

I have a really hard time saying no and meaning it. I can see that with this housemate. She's set herself up as "mother teresa" which leaves her no time to meet her own needs. I've been there and doen that so many times.

I'm about to set huge distance and boundaries with another friend of mine who I will just have to stop talking to eventually. I dont' want to be in this over reaction zone anymore.

Maybe in time that may mean the real end to the relaitonship with the A because he does seem to set up a chain of chaos whereever he goes. Right now I get something out of relating to him and of course we have numerous bonds and attachments with our pets. In time I may be able to have a plan b that actually meets some of those needs rather than looking to the A to do that. Rigth now I am not ready to say goodbye but in time I may find a way to relate to him that isn't reaction/obsess/overwhelm. That may be my road out or my road to another kind of relationship with him.


The irony for me is in the journey through codepence I had to be around someone else who is completely out of control with her codependence to see what I am like around others. I am totally in denial about it.
Maresie.