The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello again. I am glad I started coming here to write my feelings. I mention before that my family seems to have abandonded me. Now my Partner of 4 years joins that group. I noticed he was pulling back and becoming very verbally rude. The little things like taking me out for groceries and occassional dinner stopped. He seemed to criticize everything I did. I finnally cornered him and asked what was going on in his head. He said he could not stand the fact that my grandson was still here. He also pointedout that he can not accept my 19 year old son because he is gay. By the way my grandson is black and we are all white. I have always known he (the partner) had phobias and racial feelings. But now I see more clearly how he feels. I have taken my 12 yr old grandson into my home because his mother is my A and is in no shape to care for him. I still haven't had the heart to heart with the Grandson about his mom but I realize now that I need to. I understand that because of coming here. I am learning to detach from my daughter from coming here to this board. I believe that if other members of my family and my friend would read some of the advise on this board they could be more suppportive of the emotions I am dealing with, but they blow It off make rude and uncaring comments. I am homebound because I am legally blind since my brain surgery.. My 19 yr old son is gay, my daughter is not caring for her son because she is an alcoholic. My siblings don't like the drama and don't visit and rarely call. My mom died earlier this year and my only income is my disability check. My partner of 4 yrs has had enough. I am proud of how I am handling all the things I do. Am I just stupid or is this a run of back luck.
Sounds like this is really an overwhelming situation for you - I too am glad that you started coming here to write out your feelings - To learn to detach from your daughter and take care of yourself.
I too have multiracial grandchildren. Some are accepted, some are not. For me, I adore all of them - even feel love for the 2 unborn grandchildren. Despite the circumstances. It is difficult when our families of origin don't have the ability to understand or cope with our situations - But just as we are - I guess they are doing the best that they can - Doesn't excuse unacceptable behaviors - but for me it has helped me to just move their actions into my acceptance column of It is What it is - Things I cannot change - Then I have to ask myself what can I change in my situation? That is what I start to focus on.
Sounds like you are doing the same - keep working on you - taking care of you.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
So sorry you are going through all of this. But you are doing the right thing by coming here and talking about it. You are a very special, loving person who has learned to accept people for who they are. You should be proud of yourself. Hopefully things will begin to settle down a bit for you. Meanwhile we are always here for you. Take good care of yourself, you deserve it.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <-- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
You really are going through a rough time . . . it seems 'unfair' that when you are doing the right thing, caring for a child at your own expense of time, effort and money, that your other loved ones pull away.
I think people reveal their true colors during the hard times. You have health problems and physical disability, yet you sacrifice for the sake of the boy. I know I admire this, and respect you for it. The partner and others who pull back and leave you on your own LIKELY would have done so in the event of any serious challenge.
It's sad, but at least you know where not to put your energy into.
It doesn't mean that you can't get any help though. The partner isn't the only person available to support you personally. I too am glad you found this site, and us. Please don't hesitate to come and post as often as you need to.
Wow, lotta stuff going on there! I have never really understood judgmental people. I work with crack addicts and gay guys and a variety of other issues and to me the heart of it all is that people are people foremost and then their other little problems secondly. Although some of those problems aren't little... Still, should they not be treated as humans? I have a personal dilemma at work right now related to a sick client going to jail who has done nothing wrong. Because of the lack of social services in this area, jail may be the only thing that saves his life. So wrong, unfair and against everything I believe (people should not go to jail solely because they are poor!) but it also is in the cannot change column. Sometimes these things that look like disasters are actually blessings in disguise. I see lots of positive things in your situation like things you learned about your "friend" that you didn't know before and now can use however you choose. As for your son, he's your son - you love him that's a given! I'm sure you wouldn't care if he was orange and purple striped, he's your son and whose business is it who he sleeps with anyway? Just my opinion...
Well as someone who stepped in and helped the A out when he was destitute I'd hardly call you stupid. Some people really live in black/white worlds. I don't. I try to see the grey.
At the same time I'd urge you to seek out help and support for yourself. Sometimes that is an ongoing battle. I know I run into many many many dead ends with that.
Thank you for your kindness. I AM A VERY STRONG PERSON. I just wish more people in my world had a bigger heart to see that each situation is unique.
I agree that the "partner would have left eventually anyway. I called my ex-mother-in-law and she said sge will start driving me to real Al-Anon meetings next week.
Stupid ? never , nieve perhaps , it hurts when we see that the people we care about dont support our endevors . Dosen't help if they cannot accept your choices , your son is none of his business anyway . or for that matter your grandson . Only a fool would expect us to choose between them and our children , they loose . keep the focus on your needs and your going to be okay. I hope utry to find an Al-Anon meeting for yourself , If you call a contact number I am sure there is someone who would be willing to pick you up for a meeting , since you are not able to drive yourself . reach out and take a chance ask for what u need . You need support and u will find it in our program . good luck Louise
