Uncomfortably Numb-- too detached?? - Al-Anon Family Group

gknee · Senior Member

Uncomfortably Numb-- too detached??

twinmom2 · ~*Service Worker*~

(((gknee)))

In the AA Big Book there is a chapter to the Wives and the Family. If you haven't read this I would encourage you to read it. It talks about the uncomfortable feelings that occurr when the A finally gets sober. I think its awesome that he's so open about discussing program or what happens in his program with you. My AH is not so open about this. I also think it's great that he's seeking out meetings on his vacation that shows that he's not going to let his program slip away from him, if that is what he needs then that is good. My family is going through a period of adjustment as well. We have grown so used to the old behaviors and reactions that the A uses that its different and feels strange when he behaves differently. Some of those behaviors are still present and will take a long time to change or may not change at all. When my A is gone I feel a bit more relaxed in the home, I think a lot of it has to do with finding a new "groove" in the home. It can't be the same between us all not if we want to keep sobriety. I feel like I'm re-learning how to live my life without obsessing and consuming my thoughts with my AH. My actions and behaviors have to change too, and I'm still not sure what that is going to look like, so when he's gone I feel like I can breathe a little easier. I don't think this is because you don't care, just maybe feel more relaxed with yourself right now.

Hope some of this helps.

Peace,
Twinmom~

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

When we let down, even from an unpleasant or unhealthy circumstance, we sometimes feel that let down in a change of mood. At times that change of mood is positive, but usually the change of mood is negative. I don't think you need to look too far to find the reasons for your feelings. They are perfectly natural, albeit not exactly what you thought they'd be. Make sense????

Diva

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

I just saw this quote and it seemed appropriate. I loved it!

"Instead of seeing the rug being
pulled from under us, we can learn
to dance on a shifting carpet."
-- Thomas Crum, author and speaker

and another

No matter what the issue is, don't try to justify why you don't feel good. 

And don't try to justify why you should feel differently. 

Don't try to blame whatever it is you think the reason is that's keeping you from feeling good. 

All of that is wasted effort. 

Just try to feel better right now. 
~Abraham Hicks

-- Edited by Christy at 19:39, 2007-07-10

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Gknee))))))),

For me, in one way it just kind of felt odd at first. For several years, serenity wasn't the norm! lol But then I quickly got use to the serenity. Frankly, I can't wait till hubby is able to travel to see his Dad and his grandkids. Don't get me wrong, I love taking care of him. I'd rather be taking care of him because he needs it (he's in a cast) rather than having him passed out drunk. But I do relish my space and time alone. We both do.

You aren't numb or too detached IMHO. It's just a newness that you aren't use to. I say take this new peace and relish in it. Take the time to do the things you love. PLAY! DANCE NAKED IN THE STREETS! (I'm kidding!) HAVE FUN! Remember what it use to be like when he was active. Then thank HP and go and have a ball.

Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,

Karilynn & Pipers Kitty biggrin

ShelBell · Senior Member

Well, your friend could be right, but I think only you could tell us that. Do you think of yourself as a person who needs some sort of drama? Some people are like that, and if they have no drama, they go ahead and create it. Then again, maybe you are just adjusting to the newness of the sobriety. When my H came home from treatment, it was great to see him not drinking.... but it took some time to get used to. It was kind of surreal, you know?

As for not missing him while he was away, do not worry about that at all. My H is military, and goes away several times a year, usually just 6-8 weeks at a time. Every now and again, I do not miss him at all, and it was like that before the drinking got out of hand too, so I am pretty sure it has nothing to do with detachment. That's just how it is sometimes. I guess sometimes I just need the time to myself more than others.

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