The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm new and feeling alone. Married to a functional alcoholic. I've recognized the fact for years but haven't acted on it. I truly love my husband but only his co-workers see his wonderful sober side. I'm tired of being by myself all the time because the drunkman is busy with his true love. I work part-time but am going to get a second job to keep myself busy and away. I haven't located an Alanon group in my area yet but I know I really need someone to talk to.
Welcome!!!! You are in the right place. Most of us have been in your shoes at one point or another. There is so much growth to be found within this program. You are taking the right first step by looking out for yourself and no longer waiting around for him to keep you company. You don't have to be lonely anymore. Some good reads for those new to the program: Getting them Sober, and Codependent No More. You can usually find meetings by either calling the number in your phone book, or googling "alanon your state." Keep coming back, there is so much more to life than your A's disease.
Welcome!! You are not alone. There are so many of us with stories like yours on this board and in meeting rooms around the world. Once you get over the idea that you are not in the fairytale of happily ever after-- things will get better (at least for you). One of my favorite sayings around here is "Either the alcoholic is gonna drink or not-- but what are YOU gonna do?" Bounce ideas off this board, try out your feelings for size, this is a safe place to speak what feels unspeakable.
take care- Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
I haven't looked for an Alanon meeting yet. I've found my second job. Been very busy and feel much better because I am not waiting for him.
I realize I can't change my husband. In an attempt to get him to understand how much I despise his drinking, I offered him my wedding rings or his drink. Of course he chose the drink and was very angry that I would make him choose. The ultimatum was stupid on my part because I have no plans to run off. I can't support myself even with these two jobs. I don't want to tear up our families. Its just me and him in the house. We have our own space. He is completely content at just being housemates or hasn't voiced any opposition yet. Right now I am content. If he doesn't want to talk about it, then I don't either. If he can't change, I can.
One of my biggest fears is that we will eventually divorce and he will get it and change and be that wonderful person again with someone else. This thought makes me want to cry.
