The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was reluctant to admit I was powerless over alcohol, and I forgot that I was not powerless over myself. I had a choice, I could resume in my state of misery, insanity, worry, and sadness, or I could start living again the life I always thought it would be. Alot of us come to Alanon feeling life has dealt us an unfair blow,, and compare our lives to others , and ask why me? There are no complete answers to that question. However every moment we can work on ourselves to make each day more positive than the previous, and following the principles that Alanon sets forth, we can see further than before into our future. We have a choice where to focus our attention. Do you want to keep living in the quagmire of alcoholism, or do you want to detach and live life again? It may be difficult to part with old habits, and old ways of thinking, as we used them for so many years. I believe I am here for a purpose, not to live the life I had for so many years but to enjoy todays offerings, be grateful for the little things, smile more,,laugh out loud, have fun , and just "live". By doing that I am giving myself that chance to have a brighter future.
And you are absolutely RIGHT!!! I am trying to look towards a more positive and happy future. A life w/out my AH's mood swings, disappearing acts, money woes and health issues. I don't even consider another man in this new future. Just me an dmy kids and our happiness. I am not going to be anti-relationship for the future. I just an not going to look for it or plan for it. Taking one day at a time, working to improve my outlook on life and plan for a more hopeful future.
It is easy to acknowledge that we are powerless over alcohol, it is a whole other ballgame accepting it. I have been in the program for a little over a year and I have acted my way into right thinking by acknowledging that fact over and over and trying my best to behave that way. It was only recently that I was able to accept it as true. Now my actions come from a profound knowledge (gained through experience). I am truly able to make choices based on what is the best thing for me, not what control I hope to exert over the A's behavior. It is freeing. It is sad to watch him fall apart, but I am free from guilt knowing I did everything in my power and it still had no effect.
On one of the MANY occasions I was stuggling with Step One, my sponsor finally told me to consider the weather, and exactly how much control/influence I had over the weather outside. Of course I responded "absolutely none whatsover", to which he corrected me slightly. Of course I can't control the weather, but I CAN wear a sweater, or take an umbrella, or wear sunscreen, as the situation dictates.
I like that analogy, and have often utilized Al-Anon and my various recovery tools as my "protective clothing" from that damn weather.
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Tom, great analogy for powerlessness to "do" but for ourselves.
Using the tools to cope with my actively using A while he was here was a lot like wearing bad weather gear!
Now that he's gone and I've resolved the relationship to be over, I'm confronted with all the changes necessary to have a brighter future. I gotta tell myself Easy Does It, I need to keep turning over my will and worries. I am capable. I can jump on opportunities. I can stand up for myself, advocate for myself, take care of myself. I can tell the truth and know it if I wish.
It's only been a month since he's been gone, and I spend much more time thinking about the future than about the past, but that's only just begining. At least I feel hopeful about a brighter future. Just about anything would be brighter than living the way I was!
There is always an opportunity for a brighter today for ourselves :) Like, when the sun comes up tomorrow.....that is our opportunity. Make a little bit of heaven in your day, stay determined.
I have 2 choices in this life: wallow in misery (poor me) or take what I was given and move ahead. I try not to look back on life too much, unless there is a lesson there to be learned. I've always been a positive person. Hubby has too. To me what's the good in wallowing of what could have, should have, might have been? I've seen lots of death and destruction in my time. It's a reminder that life is too short. I have to take what I've been given and run with it. CARPE DIEM!
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
