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I mentioned to the board that I have my grandson with me because of my daughters drinking and the fact that she can not provide for him at this time. I have never discused her problem with him. Someone sugested al a teen. How do I bring up the subject since we have never discussed it. Also no legal custody has been awarded he simply lives at my house. I receive no public or family assistance. he has been here about one year and I know I should apply for something. Advice welcome here.
How old is he? Unless he is very very young, he's got to have some ideas about why he lives with you rather than his mom. I'd start there, by asking him what HE thinks is happening.
I haven't faced a situation exactly like yours, but what I found worked well for my kids was honesty, tempered by realistic views of what they could understand given their ages. I tried very hard not to run their dad down to them, while being as open as I could about the fact that, yes, there was something wrong in our home, and it had a lot to do with all the time Daddy spent at the bar. Obviously they knew - he'd come home wasted and start yelling and kicking the walls in - but I bent over backwards not to make them feel that they had to choose sides.
It must have worked all right - they always had a good, if not particularly close relationship with him, even before he sobered up. I don't know what life would have been like if he had still been drinking when they hit their teen years - he soberd up when the oldest was 13. As it was, though, they accepted him as he was, and loved him, while not counting too hard on him to show up for things, or to do things that he had talked about.
I would bet your grandson knows alot more than he lets on , like us he has learned to keep the secret. Kids only want the truth , they don't need to know all the nitty gritty stuff just that fact that his mom is sick with alcoholism. Kids take on the blame early , they feel that if they were smarter , made thier beds , had not argued with parent this wouldnt have happened ,he needs to know that this is n ot his fault he is not the reason she is drinking or using drugs , she drinks because she has a problem . Period goodluck Louise Alateen is an amazing program , combined with your al anon meetings you will both be able to understand exactly what your dealing with and learn to detach with love . Often citys have alateen meetings and al anon meetings at the same time in the same building ,would be perfect for your situation. call 1-888-4alanon they will be able to tell u if there is a meeting in your area. you need support too . Alateen has its own literature a beginers book called a day at a time , it is red and has daily readings that will help him alot . ADAT. the books are written by teens for teens . your meeting can order him one or perhaps the alateen group will have some in stock . they are usually about 8-9 $
