The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I HAVE BEEN DATING A RECOVERING A FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS, AND HE HAS BEEN CLEAN FOR ABOUT 2.5 YEARS, ALTHOUGH THIS IS MY FIRST RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ADDICT, I HAVE 2 COUSINS WHO WERE VERY BIG A'S FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEBER, WHO ALSO JUST FOUND SOBERITY. I HAVE HAD MANY CRAZY AND INSANE RELATIONSHIPS, THOUGH NONE OF THEM WERE WITH PPL IN RECOVERY. I HAVE FOUND AL-ANON AT FIRST FOR HIM THINKING IT WOULD HELP ME UNDERSTAND HIM BETTER, AND THEN I FOUND IT WILL HELP ME UNDERSTAND ME BETTER, WHICH WILL GIVE ME A BETTER UNDERSTAND OF WAT I WANT!!! SO FAR, I AM IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP THAT DOES HAVE ITS UPS AND DOES. SOMRTIMES THE THINGS HE DOES STRICK ME AS NOT "NORMAL" LOW PATIENCE, LOW TOLERANCE FOR ANYONE ELSE
MY BIGGEST FAULT WAS ALLOWING HIS MOOD TO CONTROL ME, IF HE WAS UP I WAS UP IF HE WAS DOWN I WAS DOWN, AND JUS RECENTLY I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO NOT ALLOW HIS ACTIONS TO EFFECT ME! AS MUCH!!!
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE THIRD STEP? I HAVE BEEN WILLING TO GIVE MY LIFE TO ANYONE WHO WOULD TAKE IT FOR A VERY LONG TIME, AND I HAVE COME TO REALIZE THAT MY WAY OF LIFE HAS NOT WORKED, AND IM WILLING TO HAND MY LIFE OVER TO MY HP, I HEARD ONCE IN A METTING YOU KNOW WHEN ITS HIS WILL BECAUSE THERE IS NO RESISTANCE, AND I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO HAND THINGS OVER TO HIM AS THEM COME INSTEAD OF DWELLING ON THEM AND THEN HANDING THEM OVER, I AM LOOKING FOWARD TO STARTING MY FOURTH STEP BUT JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE I FINISH STEPS 1-3 FIRST
What struck me is how I too, thought that I'd "finished" this step. What I've come to realize is that steps 1-3 are maintenance steps. I'm always going back to them. Daily. I am powerless, I have come to believe and I continually turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him. I do that every day -- I say it -- I want to remember that today, I may want what I want (my will) but His will and what Hp/God has planned is so much better than what I think I want.
Just last night I was telling my sponsor how I do well not to meet my A's anger with anger, pity with pity, or fear with fear. It is sooooo easy to ride their waves of emotions if we let ourselves go there with them -- only we don't have to. I remember when I first realized I could just let him be mad, and not have it affect me. I thought WOW, I kind of like this lol.
If you feel ready to start a 4th step, I hope you'll work with your sponsor on this. So often we can make this a negative thing, but we get to discover all of our assets too.
Welcome to MIP!! Do you have a sponsor?? I think that it is better to work the steps with a sponsor who can help guide us through the process. My sponsor was great about making sure that I did not take responsibility for things that were not mine to own. We have a tendency to be too hard on ourselves and too easy on others, don't we??
When I decided to look for a sponsor, it was suggested to me that I should look for someone in a meeting who had what I wanted. I ended up asking a woman in my home group who had such an air of serenity about her--despite that her A was still drinking--and I knew that I wanted whatever it was that she had. She is now my sponser and she has been a great support for me!!
Keep coming back. This program truly works if you work it!!
P.S. a gentle suggestion: please don't type in all caps--it reads as though you are shouting and can be distracting
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
i can totally realate, i have realized just because he is on a roller coaster of emotions , doesnt mean i have to jump in for the ride!!! and it is a great feeling, i can feel the way i want without having his emotions effect my thinking, which makes my thinking a lot less distored!!! and it feels great!!!
i had a friend who was in al-anon, who got me into it, when i called her with some problems and i heard her say "this is unacceptable" is when it really hit me!!! i had choices i didnt have to accept unacceptable behavior!!!
im really feeling good about step four, but i was working steps 1-3 without a sponser? i did ask someone to be my sponser,will she know wen im ready for step 4 or should i tell her i want to start?
