The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Drunk and saying that he will just leave. Leave he did. He'll be home in two or three days, if the alcohol poisoning doesn't kill him. He'll be sick as a dog for a few days and apologetic. THen another year will go by, while he insists he will never do it again because next time it will kill him. THen, out of the clear blue....
He takes nothing with him on his "vacation." No clothing, no toothbrush, no razor, no shampoo...nothing. I cannot say I hope he doesn't come home this time, but I can say that if he doesn't, my world will not end. I already divorced him to rid myself of the responsibility. Maybe this time I should rid myself of him. I am not in to martyrdom. I didn't marry him knowing any of this. It was a lie of ommission, his not telling me he had an alcohol problem. THen, three years after we married....HELLO!!!
So, life goes on. Without our plans to go out this evening and watch the fireworks. But, with each "vacation" he takes, I am getting stronger. No more crying and carrying on; no more begging and pleading for him never to drink again. I am calm, I am together, and I am taking care of ME!! YAY!!
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
It sounds like you are doing what you need to do :) Make these days yours.... Diva Days!! I hope you watched the fireworks anyway, found happiness somewhere today, and lived it as your highest self.
love ya Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Oh dear lady, Makes my heart heavy for you to have to go thru this bs.
Diva you have so much dignity thru all this. Look how far you have come. I know what you mean. After awhile it gets so darn old. The last time or few times for me, I thought, geez he is so boring, depressed, grumpy, etc. all he wanted to do is go use.
so he did.
big sigh. I am glad you are ok, not pacing and have a tight gut. What are you doing? I imagine you with pretty music on, fresh flowers around and a nice bottle of good wine. OH and candles too.
No matter what it is still hard on us. the first two times or so that I had A leave, he was rushed to the hospital od'ing. shaking head.
They are so miserable. All we can do is do our best to cont. on. Go cuddle with a fur kid.
I was out laying in the hay with my potted pigs, watching all the fireworks around me. The mountains are ablaze. I like them, just do not like the fireworks at home kind that is.
Hey diva, throw on your diamond studded over alls and come over!!! I will even throw out a new bale of hay for you!! The piggies would love it.
Unfortunately, I know just how you feel. Once started, the alcohol becomes an obsession for the A. I am in the same place as you right now, my husband disappeared for 3 days--no phone call or anything. When he did come back he acted shocked and amazed that he had lost another 3 days of his life and the life of our family. He's back to meetings--joined a rehab alumni group--and an men's addiction group. He is truly sincere that he cannot let it happen again, that is will kill him too. And they are right. It will kill them eventually.
I am serene and happy when he is gone. I know one thing in my heart---I'd rather him gone than not sober. It's the uncertainty that is difficult---if not for the alcoholism we'd have been a happy couple. We will go on, right? When the time is right we will do what is right for us. I, too, am considering divorce for the financial bonus--half of his annuity and severing our financial ties for my security. He has agreed if that's what I want to do.
Best of luck with this difficult situation. mom to 2
I agree with Christie, have some Diva Days!!! Saddle up your pony and go for a cruise somewhere! Wish I had seen this last nite, you coulda drove up to Utopia and watched the fireworks show with me and some friends. It was great!
Keep the focus off what he's up to and try to focus on what you can be doing to make your day a good one!
I remember those weekends when A said he was going camping and not take anything. Except I was naive enough when he was telling me this to believe him. It's only when he came home and I found the hotel bill that I realized what was going on. But atleast he wasn't driving drunk. More importantly it gave me some relief.
I hope you did enjoy the fireworks. Ours got rained out. Take these "vacation days" and do what you want. As others have said, make them your own.
Love and blessings to you and your family. Extra love to the "children".
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
So, life goes on. Without our plans to go out this evening and watch the fireworks. But, with each "vacation" he takes, I am getting stronger. No more crying and carrying on; no more begging and pleading for him never to drink again. I am calm, I am together, and I am taking care of ME!! YAY!!
Diva
Can't imagine our sassy, straightforwarded Diva doing anything else but being Calm, together & taking care of herself - cause that it what she always reminds the rest of us to do for ourselves.
Hate so much that you are going thru this crappy situation - please do take good care of yourself. I hope you know how important you are to our MIP family.
((Hugs))
Love ya, girl - be strong - One Day at a Time!!!
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Life is more relaxed around my house when my AH is off on a binge. The only stress is wondering WHEN he will turn back up. I hate that feeling. I just want my AH to go and stay gone. Wash my hands of him completely. I am working up to that. I did it once - just this past January. I pray I have the strength to do it again. And stick to it this time.
Diva, I am sorry. I am also very happy to hear how you are doing. You are an inspiration to many, and I hope that if a relapse is in my H's future, I can handle it with the same dignity and poise.
Wow, look at all the friends you have here. That ought to make you feel special just knowing we all care for you. It's times like these I am so proud of this board and its members. I understand how you feel about his "vacation". I don't want to see anyone not come home. I'll pray he has some epiphany and comes clean. I hate that you have to go through this. We don't hate them and only want good for them, why do they have to hate themselves so bad? I hope you can still remain calm when he comes home. Now you need to go take a for real vacation for yourself and do not invite him along. ;)
four days ago when you posted this message, i was getting ready for my own vacation. i went to an AA round up. it was wonderful. aside from the fellowship, the Alanon speaker and alanon friends were so gracious. we feel priviledged to be a part of something so good. usually when i am getting ready for my AA round up weekend, i wonder if my husband will be getting ready for his "vacation". while i take a toothbrush and clothes and my family knows where i am going, he doesn't . he just disappears. for two, three, four, five days. this weekend, he showed up at the round up, he only stayed for a couple of hours, then he left. he met a few recovered alcoholics. he told my daughter he was sorry he missed the dinner. could a seed of recovery have been planted in his brain? i don't know. just for today Jewely is okay. and, that is enough for me.
