The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
If anyone read my last post, then you know I have had an experience that spun me around like a merry go round, set on 100 x the speed it is normally supposed to go. God. I let him in--was lonely---should have come here instead.
Thanks to the 3 who replied to my last post. This event has definately been an experience in learning, remembering, validating (the fact that no matter what, we cannot change the alcoholic, only ourselves.) I allowed myself to fall in to the trap/web of deciet, insanity, and truth. I know a lot of you cannot handle or choose to ignore my drama club encounters. It is almost 3am and here I am again, awake.
My A is gone from my house.
Why did I allow him to enter into my house and life ove the past day or so--lonliness, doubt of myself, spite (since his girl is in the hospital). I am one sick woman, but with potential for hope in recovery, as we all have hope. I see it.
I was a fool, and this has brought the chaos back in---I didn't take very good care of me, did I?
I appreciate being able to post on this board.. I guess I must be known as Miss Drama Queen.
I have a 4pm appt (by telephone at least it is some contact) with my therapist, and she already knows what transpired over the past 24 + hours.
I feel safe coming here. YOu are all blessed by HP, whether you know it believe it or not.......
TO BE CONTINUED. I am very sleepy and I hope to rest well tonight. Thanks to all who read this and many thanks to anyone who reples.
__________________
This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off
Be blessed and have a wonderful day.
Remember God loves you.
PEACE
I personly didn'y reply because, I think what you did was pretty normal and I couldn't offer any advice because I'm still getting reeled in myself all be it not so often. All I can say is how great you can see it now, all I know is, it's prcatice, practice practice, I beat myself up terrible too when I get had again, but why? it's nothing we can't have ago at getting right another day, maybe you needed to do that one more time to bring you to this realisation, don't be so hard on yourself, draw a line and start a new day.
I will repeat what my sponsor told me over and over again....................... The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results! Remember you have choices, and keep going to meetings and if you have not started going to face to face meetings , the only suggestion I can give you is to start asap. It will help you deal with what you are going through, and keep the focus where it belongs , on you.
HI stacie, sometimes we need to wait a bit for responses. We may even get them a week later!
You know I care bout ya. Honey I agree with everyone. PLEASE stop saying you are bad. please. What happened is perfectly natural. If my AH was here, you can bet I would be hoping we could be close again. Even if it did not work.
Remember we LOVE them. We HATE the disease. Just becuz you shared closeness does not mean you are taking him back. But you shared a precious time. Stop beating yourself up.
OOPs tellen ya what to do. (c: My sweet mother was given a cup from her dil. We are a Christian family... so it was funny and cute.
Ok the cup, on the front is an older lady all slumped and tired getting out of bed. "If you wake up in the morning, feeling like you have had it, BE THANKFUL!"
HAHA Please let me invite you to say STOP to the dang negative things you are telling yourself. Put in, everything is ok, it felt good being touched.
We, when we are celibet suffer from, "touch deprivation" a very real problem. The other day I was aching to hug or touch. I was celibet ten years in my 30"s. yikes.
I chose it. My manfriends would come around and I would say, no I don't want part time!!
I went back to college then and really grew up big time. Was the best thing I did for me.
that was when A came back in strong recovery chased me for about 2 years then he came into my living room, took off his hat and asked me to marry him. My ring is so pretty.
Stacie I know it was hard to share what ya did. Maybe next time you will keep it more, well less explicit. (c: We do have very young people who read this.
I am NOT upset, just wanting you to be comfortable to share everything, however... you know? lol besides we who are celibet were jealous...hahahahaha
Does it matter what made you do it? I can also tell you, with all the meds you are on, you are bound to make some decisions without being able to think them thru real well.
So Stacie, please take one day, today and make it happy.
Also wanted to say good for you for getting tested. I want to tell you, it is so etched in me, that in my dreams I am looking for a cond**. haha
Gosh, an Alanon judging another for "drama" is the pot calling the kettle black!!
Girl, I see lots of recovery in your posts, and I've only been a member for a few months.
We're all in different places, different spaces, and if reading your situation makes me feel overwhelmed, that's my problems, nothing to do with you.
If I didn't have a bunch of animals mauling me every second, I'd be super suffering from touch deprivation. Being celibate with someone you love sucks, I did it for almost a year for fear of catching something, besides being afraid to be vulnerable to him. If I'd given in, I know I would have had a fantastic time, he's a good lover, but I would have felt much the same as you after.
We are so human. We love you just the way you are, and I missed hearing from you recently, so I'm glad to see you back.
Let 'er roll off and in the famous words of Rtexas, Take Care of You!
I was so touch-deprived, I went and got a haircut Friday night, and didn't even need one! Felt good to have someone wash my hair, comb it, blow it dry. I only had about 1/4" taken off, that is how desperate I was. Most of the time, my AH and I sleep together, and when we do, we are in the all-together, but NOTHING happens. So, I know exactly what you are talking about. How he does it is beyond me. You are only human. You are not being promiscious (IMHO) for being with the man you love. Just watch out for your feelings. Love in Recovery, Becky1
I haven't been active on the board recently; just want to let you know I'm still remembering you every day at 3PM Eastern time.
(((((((((BIG HUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG)))))))))))
Other posters made some good points ... I will just add my encouragement to go to face-to-face meetings so that you will have a *telephone list* to phone when you are tempted in the future.
Grateful member of Al-Anon, Sunny <<<<------ played a part in many dramas ... not so often now ... "Progress, Not Perfection"
<<<<------ played a part in many dramas ... not so often now ... "Progress, Not Perfection"