The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I spent a lovely afternoon with an alanon friend yesterday ,I alway's have the feel good factor around and after I been with her.
We talk at length about how alchohol has affected our lives and the lives of our children.
And then, I had a dream last night about going to buy another house, I just wanted it so much, and when it was all signed and sealed, I knew it just wasn't what I wanted, I wanted to stay in the one I already had, I hadn't looked around the other enough really, and compared to the one I have already, it was feeling wrong to move on.
Now then this is strange because thats just how I feel about my H, I keep looking around for better but he has sooooooo much about him to just keep me here and thinking it will be ok in the end.
I know this uncertainty is my problem, and I don't know what you would call it, I am happier than I ever felt before, but I'm not feeling it 100% yet, and any slight wobble on H's part and that reduces in the blink of an eye to a wobbly 50% maybe, I never really experienced true serenity so I'm not quite sure what that should feel like, am I chasing rainbows?
I don't know if this will help you, but for me it helps when I feel uneasy or unsure of something in my life. , Leetle
"Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
Written by Czech poet Rainer Maria Rilke (translated by Stephen Mitchell)
It's ok to chase rainbows, as long as you don't expect there to be a pot of gold at the end! LOL We learn in al-anon not to project into the future or wallow in the past, but to live in the present. One Day at a Time. The rainbow that you find may not be what you thought it would be, it could be something better!
, Leetle