The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Got another letter from the A in jail today. He said he has 8-10 months for the dui and probation violation together. In NC that means he'll be out next week LOL. Really I expect he'll be out in 2-3 months with nowhere to go, not a dime, not even clothes on his back just the hospital clothes he went in with. I'm scheduled to visit on the 22nd and contemplating being nice and bringing him an outfit off my front porch where his stuff has been sitting since I cleaned out the car. I guess at least then he'll have clothes to put on as he walks out the door. I wonder what I'm getting out of visiting. Maybe the chance to yell and be mean. Maybe the chance to show myself that it really is over that he's lost his hold on me and I really don't feel the same about him anymore. I don't really know for sure I just know that I should go. Last time I went with that feeling it worked out well for me. I guess we'll just see what's in store. I might forget and go to the beach instead - who knows???
I have so much I want to tell you. I think there is nothing wrong with being kind to the A. When my A is suffering I seem to have all sorts of compassion. It's when he is acting fine that I lose my mind. But I feel better when I can come from a place of truth within myself. And if that is to show him kindness and love so be it. It makes me feel good. If it is to be hateful and spiteful ( which isn't my true self) then I usually feel good for a bit but then I don't because it's not who I want to be. Does that make sense? I don't know take what you like. If it were me, I would most likely take him the clothes and visit. Because if he turned to me I would do it. But I am not the healthiest person I know especially today! Good luck....
