The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My favorite page (if I had to pick only one) is 109 (April 18) in the Courage To Change daily reader.
It reminds me where to place the focus, it tells that no one can be responsible for my happiness but myself. If I am unhappy what can I do about it, how can I be a more content person with others when I am disappointed or in my daily life?
I recall when I was a newcomer to Al-Anon, how I kept hearing that we learn to place the focus on us and thinking how selfish that sounded.
In the Index this page is listed as: Let it begin with me.
I kind of like how this places it all on me - the control and choices are mine alone.
If I rely on someone else to make me happy, have an expectation of them. I am setting myself up for disappointments, the resentments will come and then Im going in circles.
By tending to my own needs first I see it as a win- win.
Years ago my Mother told me that I should not need someone to make me happy, another person should compliment you. Today I believe I have a better understanding of this.
I am wondering if anyone (without copyrighting please) has a favorite page in our daily readers that they would like to share about? Why you found or continue to find it helpful and what it means to you?
Wonderful. Thank you. I have several favorites. And I'm finding it enlightening that they change as I progress through my recovery. June 26th in Courage to Change helps me see that the amount of unacceptable behavior I have in my life relates to my choices of what I will tolerate. It notes that "forgiving is not forgetting" -- and just as important that I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. But as Maya Angelu (sp?) said, now that I know better, I can do better. This reading also reminds me that it really isn't fair for me to blame the person with the unacceptable behavior for the fact that it took me so long to get help in figuring out I had a problem and needed help in taking care of myself. While it doesn't exactly say that the person whose behavior is unacceptable is accountable for his/her actions, it more gently notes that they are probably doing the best they can, too, with what they know at the time -- which leads me to compassion and helps me with forgiveness. I may set a boundary that limits their involvement in my life, since I have learned how to better handle unacceptable behavior -- so, I'm not forgetting what they did, I'm taking care of myself which includes forgiving so I can move on, Let Go and Let God. This reading guides me, helps me, to focus on my gratitude that I found these rooms, that I am learning the lessons I need to learn to take care of me, and as a result my life is better. ((((Yours in Recovery)))) emma
Actually, my favorite page wouldn't even be in the courage to change! it's in the language of letting go, the reading about "opening ourselves to love" in april. I have read that so darn much that the spine is broken on that part, it's dog eared and highlighted all over there. At a certain point I came under the false beleif that everyone was like my parents. So I shut myself off from love. Now, I am learning to let the universe love me, as I am, and recieve the love as the universe is.
I too understand so much more than almost 3 years ago when I first realized what a mess my life had become. Basing my happiness on someone elses behavior. My A is still an active drinker, however I awoke the other morning with a smile on my face....I lay thinking how wonderful it is to wake up HAPPY....I didn't think years ago that I could be happy as long as my A drank....I was wrong. I now have my own interests, some things we do together. I went to a meeting early on and listened to a woman say "I have been married to an alcoholic for 42 years" I was appaled.....I kept thinking how could she put up with it??? LOL Now I know....now I understand....I am hardly ever angry, I mean I get mad, but not the anger I felt just a few short years ago.....I read "The Language of Letting Go" each morning, even when things are going good.....nice to see others discovering things along the way. Hugs Mary
I think for me it was the Alanon pamphlet "Merry Go Round of Denial*. When I read that "KABOOM", everything seemed to go into perspective, and I realized that I was in a losing battle about controlling or trying to fix my husband's alcoholism. I was so taken by that reading, I would read parts of the pamplet to my friends and exclaim isnt that me? Isnt that so and so? etc etc. There are so many good readings from Alanon, and to choose is quite difficult. Thanks for the question.
