The material presented
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Well my AH has been back home for about 10 days. Things are going good so far. Today will be his 2 week mark of Sobriety. He has had stretches of anywhere of 3 days to 10 days with out a drink so this is a milestone. I thought once he gets sober it will all be ok again. He is a completly different person. He is happy and in a good mood. Wants to spend time with the kids and I. This is all good but it is taking some serious adjusting on mypart. I feel mad at him sometimes even though he has done everything I have asked him to. Helping out with the housework and the kids and everything he didn't used to do. He comes right home after work in a good mood he isn't yelling at the kids like he used to. I know it is early in recovery but he just seems so confident like this is it I am going to stay sober this time. He seems to be doing everything I have wanted to do for years but I don't seem to be happy about all of that. There aren't many f2f meetings in my area that I can make it to. I have been doing alot of reading in my Al-Anon books and on this site. Thanks for listining.
Janey One piece of advice I got in early sobriety was DON'T MISS THE GOOD DAYS. we have prayed for this for so long it's only natural for it feel strange and sometimes we wait for the other shoe to drop . It may not happen , enjoy . I hope your going to meetings for yourself , your going to need support from real people who can go for coffee on a bad day , or pick up a phone . What your describing is perfectly normal for us we simply don't trust . The alcoholic is not the only one who has to change , we all have to change. I was told an alcoholic can't go home to an old idea - I was the old idea . the best way to support thier recovery is to get into our own program and stay out of thiers . And you are looking at a whole new person . again ENJOY !!!! Louise
If you don't have the little booklet "Living With Sobriety", you might like to pick up a copy at one of your mtgs - it's only $3 or so, and it talks about just this kind of thing.
You're at the beginning of a journey, but just because the start isn't the way we expected it to be doesn't mean the journey itself is bogus. It's a whole new way of "doing life" - of course it's going to feel strange at first.
In my own case, it was after my A had been sober for a year that I suddenly started to fall apart. It totally confused me. Now, I think what happened is that I finally felt safe enough to let out some of the feelings that had been so bottled up I didn't even know I had them. It wasn't comfortable - but it was necessary for me to start to heal.
Janey, Just wanted to say thanks for sharing that with us today. I am in the beginning of this journey as well and can relate to your feelings. I honestly don't have alot to post on this since I'm struggling in my own ways at home too, but wanted to say your not alone and will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Congrats on his sobriety! One thing I have always had to keep in mind: his sobriety/recovery is up to him. Your recovery is up to you. The dynamics of a sober relationship vs. an active relationship can be like night and day. Keep working on you and your recovery. Leave his to him. Enjoy his sober times. Savor those moments they are glorious.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Janey, I think I figured out those feelings, for myself anyway. At first I thought it was resentment for all the years of hell but it really wasn't. Although I am forever grateful that my husband has made the choice to be sober (for the last 16 months), what bothered me was he was acting normal, like every other human being and getting fussed over...lol
His family, friends, Doctors and myself were patting him on the back encouraging him but there was this little voice in the back of my mind that said "aren't you friggin special, your normal, welcome to reality, which is what you should have been for the last 20 yrs."
Who else gets pats on the back for living life on life's terms, doing the things husbands and fathers do? I never said a word to him because I knew my thoughts were misplaced. It wasn't something that I dwelled on, just an occasional fly by thought. He was very ill for several months and these thoughts didn't pop up until he was well on his way to feeling better. He'd come in the house and say "I swept the garage out", (which really was pretty shocking..lol) I'd say "Thanks Honey!" but inside I was thinking "Aren't you just a big boy?"...lol It was just dumb little stuff. Previously "I" was the one sweeping the garage so now I was supposed to appreciate that he did, what he should have been doing all along. What was really dumb is that I'm sure he didn't expect me to jump with joy. That was all in my head. He was simply telling me he swept the garage :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Janey- This is called the "pink cloud" . I have been through lots of pink clouds in the last 15 months. Keep the focus on YOU and YOUR recovery. If you are unable to get to f2f meetings come here - the daily meetings here were very valuable to me when I was first in this program. Also, do your daily readings and meditations - I always have Hope for Today in my purse.
