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Finally got my internet connection fixed. Whew, what a mess.
So my son is off for the summer and was up at work with me today. He and a friend had planned on meeting up and playing basketball at a local rec center they have memberships to.
I heard my son tell his friend that he "couldn't" go because he was at work with me.... Then when we went home for lunch, he told me he was going to tell his friend that he couldn't go in the afternoon because his ankle hurt.
I asked him why he didn't just tell him he didn't want to go? I said you don't have to make up a better excuse to not do something that is just for fun anyway. If you don't want to go, that's perfectly fine.
Of course then the conversation I had with my wife the previous night came crashing into my mind.
"... I want you to come stay with me because I can't get any rest without you"
"... I don't want to do that tonight"
"... why?"
"... because it's late, I'm tired and dirty... blah blah blah..."
"... but why?"
The conversation didn't stop until I said. No, not tonight.
My need to not hurt anyones feelings, precipitates these teenage banters back and forth until everyone's feelings ... are hurt. One of these days I will learn that, and acturally act accordingly.
Anyone else struggle with that?
Hope you all are well, I missed not being able to get on much.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Certainly I struggle(d) with this. Your post brought back a memory of my daughter when she was three years old. My step mother bought her a brown fuzzy bear, and when she gave it to her, my daughter screwed up her face and turned away!
My step mother got angry. I felt humiliated at my daughter's behavior. The way all the adults "went off", not necessarily angrily at the kid but the emotion was high. I don't remember my daughter's response, but she knew she "caused" a ruckus.
That memory is STILL emotional because so much happened inside me. And yes, my daughter, 23 years old now, is a master diplomat and feeling stuffer. That is not what I wanted for her, but what else could I have taught her, being a stuffer myself? And my closest family members were alcoholics in recovery, dealing with their own issues.
How do we NOT teach our kids to be just like us? :) .
Hi , and u bet I have , until prog I lied made excuses for not wanting to do things outside of my home , and then I wondered why my sons lied ???? damn we do teach them well don't we > but the good news is we can correct it by showing them a diff way to live , pass on what were learning here ad hope it sticks . Our kids need to know that we made mistakes and will continue to do so we are ater all human . but they also need to know that we can apologize for them and move on . the best way to lead is still by example . Louise
Great ESH!! Isn't it about progress not perfection? I have the opportunity for rigorous honesty and then fear gets in the way so now what? (many alternatives with lots of dishonest justification and then....the truth). The only difference twix me and my sons is time and the only differences twix me and my daughter is time and gender. We all have the same opportunities and choices. What do we teach our kids and grand-kids? When I am in the program I mirror the program. When I am out of the program I get the opportunity to apologize and then get honest and then get back on the program. They just love me easier when I am using this spiritual program and life is much more fun.
A van crashed into some rocks just above our house yesterday while two of my grand-daughters were visiting and of course one of them wanted to view the crisis from the yard. I was invited so I went. Her remard was "Crazy Drivers!! grampa" (sooooo normal) and I told her maybe and maybe not and then gave her some other reasons why it might have happened that took the blame out of her justification. She agreed and then I asked her, "Do you know what compassion means?" She admitted she didn't after thinking for a second and then I gave her mine which includes a short message of "feeling for and with those who are unfortunate in losses." She listened and I took the short opportunity to 12th step my grand-daughter.
My prayer everyday is that my life now can show my daughters a healthier way to live rather than that crazy, drama filled life that they were raised in.
Please HP stop the inheirtance of this disease (a'ism & al-anonism) in my family.
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I've shared this story before, but it bears repeating.... A friend of mine from Al-Anon, who stuck out her bad marriage through to when her kids graduated from high school - was talking with her daughter (now 20), with whom she has a very good and open relationship with..... She said to her daughter - "I hope what I was able to teach you was how to persevere, show loyalty, and see things through, no matter how difficult they are".... Her daughter replied to her, without batting an eye:
"Mom, he's my Dad, and as such I will always love him. But what you really taught me was that it was okay to put up with large amounts of unacceptable crap, and that it was okay for him to act like an a**hole whenever he felt like it. You taught me that it was okay to place your needs behind everyone else's."
I share the above story because it is soooo true. This daughter was not bitter, she was speaking honestly and factually. Many times we try to do certain things, all with good intentions, but it's a good thing to stand back and ask ourselves once in awhile - what kind of role model AM I really being for our children??
Thanks for sharing Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
