The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just want to look at him while he is still alive. Maybe hear his voice. See if he is there at all.
what makes me feel this, what do i want? can't help it. I loved my husband very much. sometimes the horribleness of it hits me and i cannot believe where we are now.
My Al Anon knowledge scared him. He could not hide anything anymore, and i did not care if he did or not. it was like it all became so clear.
I think it bewildered him. Well the disease was. It had to fight hard to keep my loved one down, as me using alanon skills, made my husband want to come out so badly.
But the disease took him away.
I see him in our son. His work ethic, his integrity, his grit and won't take any bs from anyone, yet is gentle to kids and animals.
my son is emotional, aware. He is so much like his father, as my daughter is like hers.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever be so alone, widowed twice.
When his body dies too, I hope my hp will bless me with a mate/friend/partner. I know it seems dumb, but my ah and I still have a connection time and distance could never kill. Our spirits are intertwined just like many of my friends. I may wake up and the desire will be gone.
Just wanted to give you a hug. I feel your grief. Last night I had a dream about my ex. It was a sad dream, He was holding my hand and he saw that I was wearing my mothers ring on my wedding ring finger. Then he let go of my hand. I understand it to mean he has let go. I have not. I mean I have but I still feel the connection also. It's a sad place to be. Take care of you and remember this too shall pass.....
My heart goes out to you. I wish I had those wonderful words of comfort, something to say to help with the pain. Ways to lessen the hurt, ease the ache for someone that the disease won't let come home - but I don't.
All I can say is that I'm sending tons of prayers to my HP asking that He talk to your HP and send you a special message - a blessing that you would know that you are loved and not alone.
Peace my friend, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
((((deb))))) Your post gave me cold chills. The hair is standing up on my arms and the back of my neck feels tickley. I feel your pain so much. It is so hard for me to remember that this is a disease that takes my husband away from me so often. The days when he "comes out" makes it so hard to believe when he goes back in, and the disease takes him once again. I know I am not supposed to project, but I cannot see him ever seeking recovery. God, how I hope I am wrong on this! I feel the connection with my AH, that you do with yours. That connection was there even during the 9 years we were apart and I was married to someone else. You are lucky to have had a child by your AH. A little piece of him. I used to wish so often that my AH and I had met when we were younger, and could have had that. Surely HP knows best, tho! Today, I see in my baby step-granddaughter the innocence that my husband must have had. How that little girl is always asking "what are you doing?" and always wants to be in the thick of things. That's how he was years ago, before the disease got worse. Always wanting to have fun....joking around, acting silly.....not so much anymore. The anger has overtaken him, most days. Sending love and prayers your way. Sometimes it feels like memories are all I have, and my AH is still living here! Yes, "this too shall pass" has become my motto too. It is a good one. Love in Recovery, Becky1
