The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel like I am at a turning point right now, I got a jail visitation form from my husband last week and I filled it out and have been mulling over and over what to do. In the beginning I assumed that I would pick my visit time and date and send it back. Lately, however, I have been pondering the idea of not responding. Part of me wants to go see him and chat and see how he's doing and the other part says I don't have time for that, or him and why waste the time driving out there? Why should I put forth any effort to have anything to do with him? Then the bitterness creeps out and says maybe he can get DAWN (the new girl) to visit him if she's out of jail now... I am MAD about that but not obsessing on it. I just think I don't really feel like visiting and don't really have anything nice to say so why bother? I'm still mad about Dawn and his last escapade and I don't know if I will ever get past the fact that he keeps ending back with this girl - so I think why bother? I also think why was I so quick to fill out the form and make the assumption that I would automatically visit? I don't have to do anything I don't wanna do!!! I guess the question comes down to do I want to or not??? I guess if I decide I do I'll fill out the form and go - otherwise it will just sit on my counter never being mailed...
I can feel your dilemma. If you didnt' have children together it would be an easier decision I am sure.
I do know the A I lived with had huge issues with wedging me between others. There was always someone else. He once told me he was mad because a friend of his had hooked up with a barmaid. Talk about wanting me to always feel left out and abandoned. I have really severe abandonment issues and who do I hook up with but someone who reinforces them.
Sometimes for me putting things on hold helps. I think dealing with any A requires immense patience and forbearance. I know I will not get caught in the trap of relying on any of them again.
I feel for you. I know there is much you want to say to him and you want him to have a relationship with his children.
For me the choice to leave is very clearcut. I have had enough plain and simple. I also want to collect my belongings without enormous drama and cost to myself.
I can also understand why it's so confusing. I would be mad about the other girl as well. You brought up a good point as to why you were so quick to fill out the form. I would look more into that. I don't have any advice or words of wisdom. Sounds like something your HP needs to help you with. Sorry you are going through this. :(
Sounds to me like you have made a decision - that you don't really have to decide right now. Is there a deadline that has to be met? If not, I see no reason not to just leave it on the dresser until you feel like you want to see him, or have some reason to go.
Not really any of your business who else visits him.
Ya know what I think girl? Well, you are holding all of the cards right now and that is awesome. What cards? Well, he is locked up and out of the picture (sort of). You do not have to do anything you don't want to do. AND you can change your mind as many dang times as you want b/c he is "LOCKED UP" so what is he doing to do about it? So, just put that form away and work on your life. If you decide you want to see him, guess what? You'll know exactly where he is when you are ready and that is probably a first. RIGHT?
If you are like me, you have spent a life time waiting around for him to "show up". Now it is his turn. He has to sit there and wait without knowing if or when you will ever show. LOL. Interesting turn of events. It actually makes me kind of giggle for you.
Take a deep breath, relax a bit and do whatever makes YOU feel good. We are here for you.
