The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I get angry with myself that with all I am learning, that I can still make a pig's ear out of it, my feelings come to an head, and I have to let them out, I think it was ok to let them out, but I think the way I did it was wrong, I have tried to make ammends to my husband over the weekend but he won't let me, I tried to explain why, I need to learn to communicate in a way that is not met with contempt and I don't know how. Saying what you mean without saying it mean, jeez thats really hard to do, in the past when we had a slip, it seemed the end of the world to me, but not anymore, I feel it was nessasarry, but it has caused friction between us ever since, these episodes then become resentments to my husband, we had a relatively nice weekend but when I tried to slip my hand in his, while out walking, he shrugged me off, and started to fetch back things I'd said, but his understanding of them were totally off the mark, I didn't go back there again, but I'm struggling with boundaries too, my slip was about not wanting to be around his swearing and his anger towards people, I used to be so angry too, so I do understand, but now something has changed in me, there is sooooo much to be greatful for in life, I take no pleasure in gossip, I know I am very lucky to feel this way, I wonder if I'm frightened he might rob me of it? But actually I wish he could just let the resentment go and he would be free too, I know I can't do anything about that, hope this all makes some sence!
Well, the thing about making amends (this is hard for me, too) is that the only part of it that is yours is the "making" - the "taking" is up to the other person.
I was just saying to someone the other day that I would apologize to my husband much more often if he would accept an apology, but it always has to mean something more to him - that, since I say I was wrong, that means he was right, or that now he can make me 'pay' in some way, or he'll sulk just to rub it in..... But, really none of that is my part, I need to make amends for ME and let the result go.
Good luck with this, you are not the only one struggling with it.
I can really sympathize with you about trying to set limits on anger. You are right to put the emphasis on gratitude instead of resentment. I'm working to get rid of my resentments, but it is slow going.
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"If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed."
•:*¨¨*:•.•:* ♥¨*:•.•:*¨¨ *:• Ancient Chinese Proverb
I have a dear friend in Alanon who I just love to bit's, she gives me soooooo much courage as do you all on here, we met up yesterday and although our conversation is so like, omg were we married to the same man, we laugh together, we nodd in agreement, and I alway's come away with a lovely feeling when we say goodbye. It was my husbands AA last night and he didn't want to go, he wanted for us to do something together instead, so we went for a bike ride along the canal tow paths and along the river, and watched a lovely sunset together, that man has so many faces and that one last night is the one I wait around to catch a glimpse of, in his active drinking day's he probably would not have taken that ride and he would have been sooo hell bent on getting to the pub he wouldn't have seen the beuty of the evening, he laughed last evening a real laugh, he doesn't do that ofetn either, it was a joy to see, I belive Hp is having a hand in all this. Katy x
