The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband is an A. His parents are A's, his sister is an A, my brother has admitted to having a problem with A, and I just found out my aunt is in rehab for the second time. It makes me terrified for my daughter's future.
it is indeed babysteps. what can you change for today? what is within your control and what is not?
certainly, the prospect of your daughter LEARNING that behavior is evident, yet, she will have to walk her path when the time comes. so what behavior is she learning? yours? hubbies?
alateen and acoa are good resources... i don't know how old your daughter is, but i do know that MOM working her program and talking honestly with daughter is good good stuff.
in the meantime, letting the anxiety get to you can be stressful and toxic. it is those times, for me, when i know i need to get to a meeting.
with love, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
There are some things you can't do anything about - her genes, for example.
There are some things you can do a lot about - the atmosphere you raise her in, for example. Are you making sure there is at least one sane person in her life (you0? Aer you actively working your program, to keep from introducing bad ways of coping to her? Are you letting her know what you know - passing on your knowledge of the disease, in an age appropriate way?
My husband was the speaker at a big open AA meeting last week, he told his whole story, spoke for more than an hour. Our kids were there, heard his pain, remembered their own (parts of this, of course were THEIR story) and saw how far he has come in recovery. I drove home with them in my car while my husband went home with someone else, and one thing they went on and on about was how much being alcoholic hurt him, and those around him. They are both very aware that they have some genetic predisposition to the disease and I think that night brought home to them that they could be in danger of real unhappiness, if they didn't take this seriously. They are now 15 and almost 18, and have never given a minute's anxiety in terms of drinking and drugging so far, and I believe that a big part of that is our willingness to be honest with them about what is going on in our home.
I was raised in an A home, I married an A who's entire family of origin is A or mentally ill. He is the oldest of 7 and so far the youngest is the only one who is not an addict and she is only 14....Bi polar disorder is rampant (him, his father, 2 uncles, sister) If my kids have a sane and sober life I will be amazed. I agree with what has been said. I truly believe that nuture plays just as big a role as nature. I was adopted and the only info I have on my birth family is that my birth grandfather was an A. I am not. But I have the isms from being raised with the disease. Sometimes I want to worry myself sick over the what if's. But why project? The future is a 50/50 deal. Maybe bad maybe good. Who's to say they won't all grow up to be the president? Today they are just kids, sweet, loveable, funny, smart with dreams and wishes. They are not yet drug addicted, mentally ill people. Today is OK......
Me too, me too. At one time, I was more or less running a drug rehab with my own A at home relapsing. I was going to Alanon meetings and AA meetings for myself. I felt like I was in some weird Buddhist "bardo" or hell. I look back now and it was a far cry from hell, but at the time . . . AAUUUUGH!
