The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For me, the hardest part of having an AH is when he goes on binges and starts a conversation and sucks me into his craziness. For a while know I have been successfully detached. last night he got the best of me and now I am an exhausted bundle of nerves today. I keep telling myself to focus on taking car of me and do the right thing for me.
There has to be more out of life than this constant stress of being blamed for things you don't do or having things blown way out of whack and then thrown in your face time and time again.
It's hard to get rid of the anger and it just sucks that this disease causes the significant others to go through therapy when the real culprit is the addiction which plagues us.
I just needed to vent and get some support from people who understand. I am to the point of leaving temporarily so I can get a good frame of mind back and let him be alone for a while.
Welcome Souljoy! I too have a bingeing, crazy A. It is exhausting, unless I am very, very careful.
It sounds as though you are familiar with Alanon tools, and understand all you can do is take care of yourself and detatch. I know I'm really human, and I still fall from detatchment into this mutual insanity, and it takes a few days, literally, to recover what I lost.
If taking care of you means getting your own space for a while, many many have done that and it served them well. And whether or not your alcoholic likes it, you are sending him a clear and strong message. Whether or not he hears it is his loss, sad as it is.
Glad you are with us. There is more to life than the chaos this disease brings. Recovery is about taking back your life, and living the life you so richly deserve. We are all entitled to live a life full of happiness and joy along with the everyday trial and tribulations that makes us human beings. Do what is best for you.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Hi Souljoy, I'm new here and can relate to what you have posted here. Just last night, out at dinner, my adult daughter and I got sucked into the craziness by my AH. He just can't quit drinking once he starts. It's disgusting. Daughters BF thinks my AH is funny. HA! The waitresses avoided us, I got mad, daughter got mad and AH just kept trying to talk to strangers passing by our table and talking loud. Most of what he talks about doesn't make sence at this point. Someone walked in that knows my AH from business and acknowledged him. My AH responded inappropriately by saying "Wow, that's scarey" (I'm thinking.. what does that mean!!) The aquaintance immediately realized my AH didn't recognize him and that he was drunk. He made an odd expression and turned his head as he sat right across from us in the dining room. I asked my AH if he knew the man. He said yes and said it looked like he had a problem with his family. I said, no he is probably trying to figure out why you said "Wow, that's scarey" when he said hi to you! My AH just looked at me and said I was weird and acting strangely. UGH!! In those moments my brain leaves and all that is left is anger, detachment and a feeling of wanting to run and hide. This morning I asked him if he remembered the whole evening. He said, "Kind of". I filled him in and told him that next time we go out to eat I'd prefer him not to drink at all. I asked him if he could do that or not. He said yes and admitted he can't stop once he starts drinking. This is so true. We have been married for 28 years. I've known him for 31 years. For the life of me, I can't understand why I was such a fool to put up with this when I married him. I also can't believe he has never had a DUI...yet.
Well, enough of my problems. I give you hugs ((())) and wish you well. I wish I had answers, but it's all up to us to find our own ways. It's just wonderful to be able to share with others. It's not so lonely. Take care. Linda
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Live Simply,Love Generously, Care Deeply, Speak Kindly and Leave the Rest to God
