The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I guess I got a burning desire to write and share some thoughts with you all today. A topic in the Monday night meeting was the "The Hallway" that place we all get to when one door closes and the next door is about to open. People were expressing their experiences in the hallway before and after recovery. I had always thought of those times of waiting for the next door or the next big thing that God had waiting for me a place of purgetory (sp)? or limbo. Its an uncomfortable place for me to be. There are so many loose ends in my life when I'm in the hallway and I am not sure of much in my life. What I am learning is that when I was younger and into my adult life I would try to force a door to open or force a solution but that would not be the right choice and I'd find myself back in the hallway again waiting for HP's next plan in my life.
I heard some great E,S, and H about the hallway being dark and scary, but if you reach out and touch the wall on the side of you, it will guide you to the next door. I think there are also people we find or know in the hallway with us. For me, I'm in the hallway with my finances, my condo selling, my marriage, etc. My kids are in the hallway with me and so is my AH. So many things are unsure right now, but one thing I am sure of is that HP will guide us to the right place and those things that are "up in the air" will find their proper solutions.
I reached out today to my mortgage company and explained my situation of being reduced to one income, etc. She was a nice person on the phone who said, "well I can't take a partial payment, but I'm going to send you some paperwork to fill out and you get it back to me asap, o.k.?" I asked what this would do, she said sometimes the company will work with people and possibly waive my mortgage payments until my condo sells, then I would just pay the note off in full at closing. Wow!! What a blessing that would be if it could work out, so please send up some prayers for HP to help me with financial peace. My AH and I had talks of him coming home earlier than expected because the financial issues are really getting bad. I can no longer ignore them, but maybe HP has found a way for me. I'd rather my husband and I take our time and continue this growth without forcing ourselves to jump back into this too quickly.
Just wanted any feedback on how some of you handle "The Hallway". I hope each of you has a wonderful weekend with lots of love and laughs.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Never heard it quite phrased as the "Hallway" - but that is a really good analogy.
And boy do I feel like I'm in a "Hallway" and the walls are closing in but the doors are moving far far away. I'm a very claustraphobic (sp?) person so this REALLY freaks me out!! I am ready to force some solutions and get the heck out of this Hellhole oops I mean "Hallway".
But like you said if I listen to my HP, I know that He is there with me and I am going to get thru this situation and be ok - even better than OK. Just have to really give myself a heavy dose of my recovery program, self-care and keep in conscience contact with my HP.
Keep working on taking care of you - You deserve it!!
Peace, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
You are very lucky to have such an understanding mortgage company. When I was selling my house (I had 2 mortgages totalling about $2400/month), I called the mortgage companies and they said there was nothing they could do. I was hoping to at least be able to pay the interest only....but nope. So I was stuck struggling to pay that on my income only. That lasted for almost a year.
Interesting concept about the hallway. I will have to ponder that one for a while. I feel more like I am in a vast white room. This is different than being in a dark room (where gloom lingers) b/c I can see but it is like everything is all fuzzy and happening so fast and out of control. Sometimes I feel like the white walls close in really tight around me....I have a really tough time breathing then. Other times the walls feel really far away and I feel lost. I don't see any doors in this room - no way to really get out....just wander around aimlessly trying to stay sane. Now I wish it was a hallway with doors that opened up to other options but I have no doors....I reckon I basically just feel trapped. Struggling day in and day out, same routine, work, martial arts, cook, clean, pay the bills, take care of the family, crash in bed at night, wake up the next morning dragging butt and do it all over again. Life in my white room. Pretty sad, huh?
How amazing is HP? Lately I feel as though all my walls are cavingin. I have come to a point where I am not even sure I want to talk about it as I feel all I do is complain and everyone tells me to do the same solution but I am not ready for it. I am as the saying goes "affraid of the dark in the hallway" I know there is a door that I need to close and yes that automatically means there is a door ready to open but the long dark Hallway is what scares me. I totally relate to feeling confused and living life in either a blur of all white or in a dark and scarey hallway. I just recently heard this saying and wow it hit me in the face. I am reading a lot of C2C and I am scared. But HP has brought me to the message boards to read and learn and be silent and maybe just maybe understand I am not ALONE like I feel and maybe I will find my inner solution if I am more quiet and listen and read. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I needed them today as I feel like I have already cracked and the dam is just waiting to explode.
Sorry for the long blerb of fuzz but thank you so much for the post and for reminding me I am not alone.
All my love to you and all who read this, Sunshinedt
I certainly understand the hallway. I love this analogy, it fits great.
What do I do when I'm in the hallway? I climb the friggin' walls, I throw myself against the doors, flinging them open and then not going in any of them. I want out so bad I want to force things to happen, and bad, aggressive behaviour is how I used to vent my frustration. Then last year I found running, so I ran up and down the halls.
Lots less bruises that way, and kept my mind off of the doors. Got me to breathe again while I wait. wasn't really healing for me, but at least I didn't hurt myself anymore. Got some of that frustration out and made it easier to sleep at night, being exhausted.
The hallway is hard. It is tempting to start begging and bargaining to get out. Keep your chin up, and find something to take your mind off of it and fill you up. Something by, for you. A productive hobby is best. Or exercise is good. That's what works for me. I wish you luck getting through! I know you can do it. The most important thing about the hallway is the mirrors on the walls. Look at them hard....they reveal yourself to you. This is an opportunity like no other, you need to stop and look at yourself, and find yourself, and learn about yourself right now. It will be so great, and so difficult.
You are making progress every day! You are doing great, and I am saying my prayers for your financials and you and your kids.
When I was a small child there was this hallway between my room and my parents room. Our bedrooms were at the front of this old house, the hallway had one door which led outside and another that led up a steep set of stairs. The stairs were not only steep, but they were shallow they had only enough room for a small childs foot. A lot of you might have seen this type of architechture in older homes. You walk in the front door and the vestibule or foyer had three ways to go, to the left, to the right with doors at both sides going into rooms and the third doorway was up the staircase. This was a unique type of architechtural structure, but for a child looking for her parents it became a trap.
Searching for my parents one night when I was about 18 months to two years old I got caught between my room, whose door would open and my parents room in this foyer. I don't have any memory of it, but my parents said that I was curled up on the stairs the following morning. How sad, I've been scared of hallways and stairs ever since.
In reading your analogy i thought of this experience. Why didn't I just knock on the door and ask if I could come in? It was good that I didn't go out the front door (I have this picture in my mind of Beetlejuice and stepping out into nothingness...that's what it would have been for a child of 2). Going up the stairs, which is what it appears I started to do and then thought better of it, could have been very dangerous, or why did I not just go back into my room?
The moral would be I waited long enough that my dad came and found me, picked me up and comforted me (analogy HP) and I was ok. No more hallways, no more stairs leading no where, just home. I like to think that in al-anon I have walked through the door to HOME.
Thanks for this great topic, Java (also known as Overcome in chat & meetings)
the financial stuff kept me tied to the A for ever. There was no way out of it. I can empathise. I have to deal with a real financial mess at the moment and there is tremendous resentment for me. What matters for me is that there is no more.
There are some days I can deal with this.
One thing I would like to say is that I admire the fact you take it one day at a time. I am often surrounded by people telling me what to do. I get on overwhelm and have to go back to what I know my gut of what I need to do today. There is no magic wand out of those kind of messes.
For me the magic want was to always reconcile with the A. He would be ok for a while then worse than ever. He always got worse and the lies got bigger and bigger. He lied about working, he lied about what he did with the money, he lied about everything at the end. Now there is no trust left in me.
oops I mean "Hallway". 
