I was reading some posts today and saw one that made me think of the flip side of the coin... cause thats where I'm at lately.  Beginning peri-menopause and omg! it can sure wreak havoc with my mood.  At first I didn't recognize what it was, but since being in Alanon I've learned to put the focus on me and what I'm doing, so it didn't take long for me to figure out what was going on with me.  I find I have to really work my program tools on myself ... detach from my mood, work it out in my mind, and when I end up snapping at family then I have to apologize and work harder on controlling myself.  It can get absolutely nuts on certain days (you women will understand what I mean I'm sure), and thats when I find I need to really take time for me to "settle down". 

I have to say since I shared what was going on with hubby, he has been really, really good with it all.  He makes allowances for those times and even goes out of his way to be sweet.  We are on vacation this week and when we arrived late Sunday after a 6 hour drive, I was rather out of sorts.  He made the comment to me that he didn't know why I was being so crabby when I wasn't the one who had to drive that whole time (which made me feel kinda bad but also helped me to take a look at myself too)...then he went off to the store and came back with a double chocolate Dove ice cream bar for me.  Haha!  Even though he was annoyed, he still made an effort to do something for me which he thought might help the mood I was in. 

I guess my point is... whether its the alcohol talking or the hormones talking.. just understanding what is going on and being accepting of it, making allowances for it, acting appropriately and being kind and loving... that sure makes a world of difference in the relationship.  I try harder to not inflict my "hormone crazies" on the family, and I find he tries harder not to inflict his "alcoholic talking" on us too.  Awareness, acceptance, action.  Yup. 

It's a lot easier for me to have compassion and understanding for him too as I find myself going through these physical changes that affect my moods.  It can be difficult to not just give into them and be a witch for a day or so...but then if I do act that way I feel bad too.  So its worth keeping it under control however I need to.  And I think as hubby and I watch each other as to how we deal with these things, well, the thought that comes to mind is "lead by example".  He reminds me to be loving and kind in my actions by his own actions when I am out of sorts.  I remind him that moods/emotions can be controlled and not just reacted to in a negative way.  And when I say "remind" I mean just by watching the action of the other.  After all, actions speak louder than words.

Luv, Kis