The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was in the chatroom today and someone shared "This place saved my life" I have said that alot. This is where my alanon journey started. I came to find out the magic words on how to get my husband and son straight. I came with a beautifully decorated pitty pot, a mean blame game and enough hurt to fill an ocean. My progress was slow. I thought being powerless would somehow send the message that I condoned drug use. I thought some of the concepts were down right crazy and alot of them flew right over my head. Somehow they talked me into going to ftf meetings. The first one I just drove through the parking lot and came home. I guess i figured the parking lot was ok, cause i went back. I wanted to work all the steps in a few weeks, I think i had scheduled out 16, a couple of extra weeks in case something came up. lol Now I just try to start the day easy with steps 1,2,3 and go from there. Try to remember who I have control over. MIP truely not only saved my life, it gave me a life that I never knew.
I try not to drink the poison of the past, meaning wake up and start thinking of it's horrors. Today though I thought of it. I was grateful to smile, to laugh again and then grateful I could be grateful. If that makes sense I appreciate those things now. I am way more compassionate than I have ever been. I still have a bit of choas, but that's life it will be there. Thanks to this place, I truely can enjoy my life choas or not.
This was all from another member saying.."This place saved my life" It made me wonder, how many others? Care to share?
Funny, I was just going back and reading my old posts from when I first came on here last year and I thought to myself what a pitiful little woman I was then. I guess the best description is I was weak and now I'm strong would be most fitting! One of the posts I read was me thanking you for some insight you had given me about having to be right. There have been a few things that have totally changed my perspective. I would say that this board not only saved my life, it showed me that I CAN have a life! It's interesting how much our persceptions and beliefs can change in less than a year. Now I am perfectly content with the idea of being alone for as long as I have to and never reuniting with my husband. When I first came the opposite was true. I am 80% a different person than I was when I entered this room and still working on the other 20. LOL
This place saved my life also. I came in angry very angry. In 1999, i was in a marriage i didnt want to be in and my parents were dry drunks and still emotionally abusive. So was my husband at the time,and my inlaws. This place gave me the courage to be true to myself as i have trouble trusting my self and i always did need reassurance that the decisions i made were ok Because my famiy would tell me different. It took me awhile of repeating and asking the same things a few times to make sure more than one person would tell me yes i can do it, the people from the room and on the board also.
Service here as i dont work because ive been to busy taking care of all my family in my life and my kids. Service showed me that i do have skills and can be good at something if i want to be.
Sometimes i go back to my old posts also. As to make sure i am not that angry person i was when my mother died. I admit i went far when my mother died and iv ented all that my family was doing to me as it was happening i would come in vent and have to leave to care for my mother. Then i would lash out in chat on people once i was able to chat. I go back to the posts i shared sometimes when my mother died about a hundred pages back :). I realize by going back i see how very far i have come and how much more sane i am without the inside rage i used to hold deep down. I used to go to f2f meetings when i first joined mip but they closed a few years later. The rest of and most of my recovery has come from mip. Today i can get angry however i know why and i know how to catch myself also. It is not deep down any longer and for that i will always be truly grateful. Also learned that anger is ok to feel and i will always feel at different times in my life. But it doesnt control my behaviour any longer.
For the first time in my life i feel like a person. Not a doormat that will do anything for anyone every time someone tells me to jump. The people in the room gave me the permission to be who i want to be and i am still working on that. I can say i do like myself a ton more than i did two years ago and i know it can only get better from here. Things are not the end of the world any longer, i finally understand that good and bad happens in life and its what i choose to do with the things that come is what matters.
Ill never forget this room and ill always be amazed for the acts of kindness that was given to me even when i didnt deserve it at times. Acted out like a child in the past. I dont do that any more and i feel better about me now. Will always be grateful to you all for the love and acceptance i have recieved and for loving me till i learn to love myself.
Thanks greta great post.
kerry
-- Edited by kerry5 at 16:43, 2007-05-31
__________________
Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
I had been going to ftf alanon meetings for about 4 months when I found MIP. I truly don't even remember how the heck I found it! I found the board first and quickly discovered the chat room. I think the thing that hooked me from the first time there was that there were men in the room. At that time, there were no men at my ftf meetings. And really no one that was in a situation similiar to mine, that being a man married to an alcoholic who was in the process of leaving him.
Finding the chatroom and listening to the men especially was exactly what I needed. I remember the kindness and love of those there. I remember crying so much I couldn't read the screen. And I remember one special man there who would listen to me...and just tell me to breath. I will never no matter how much I do be able to repay him for what he did for me.
It wasn't just the men of course that helped me. But it was special to have them there.
At that time, it seemed there was never a time I could go into the chatroom that there wasn't someone there 24/7. And that was a god send.
A lot of that initial group of people that were there are gone now. I miss them, one and all. I love them even in their absence. Others I have known for nearly 3 years now. I love them in their continuing to be present. New friends come in all the time. I love them for becoming part of my recovery family.
I will be eternally grateful for each of you people out there that have been, are, and will be part of my life when we gather here in this chatroom and on this board to share some of ourselves.
I want to thank John for providing us this wonderful club house to have our meetings in. For creating this place where we can gather and share our experience strength and hope. And to share our love.
And as Kerry said, I want to thank all of you for loving me, when I could not love myself.
