The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
thanks so much for all of the heartfelt replies I received from my post the other day. I appreciate your ESH so much. I think back on how much I have learned from alanon, despite my rare visits to F2F and intermittent postings here.
as an update-- my H appears to be on the mend-- yesterday was riduculous though. He actually called his dentist to cancel an appointment but was so incoherent on the phone that the dentist called me at work to report his concern. Yes, he can still dial a phone, but probably shouldn't. Today he asked me to call work for him. I refused flat out.
This morning he was all apologetic for "checking out" and says we would all be better off with out him (don't worry, it ain't suicidal-- he is far too narcissistic to go there). I told him that he is right, I would be better off without him-- but the kids need their dad ( the normal one, not the "checked out" one) The kids have a lot going on. My son starts high school in fall and my daughter was just diagnosed with some unusual learning disabilities and will need a lot more academic support in 5th grade. I don't want to muddy things further by leaving their dad. I know this sounds "martyrish" but I don't think my personal happiness is what is most important here. Thats where I'm at. I didn't cause it, can't control it, won't cure it. (whether it is addiction or depression) I can avoid making things worse-- but I can stay off the denial train as well.
I know that sounds kind of sad-- but honestly, I'm a fairly happy person. My H is the unhappy one. once again-- not my problem. love you all- Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
The guy needs to suffer the consequences of his behavior, and you get out of the way! I'm very inspired by your post. About the martyr thing . . . I think being consciously self sacrificing for your kids is just a strong, respectable way to make your situation work for all concerned. My martyr tendencies do not feel like choices to me (I know they are at some level) but when I self sacrifice on purpose, it strengthens me. It's like submitting to a greater cause than my little ole life.
I hope you come back and post, I related so much to both of your posts, and got a lot out of them!
You go girl! I've always believed that we should work our programs in a way that is best for us, not what some people would believe. Some people need more meetings than others. Some don't. I know when I first got started on my recovery journey, I craved anything that led me to sanity. As time has gone, the meetings and postings have varied. Do what is best for you. That's what recovery is all about.
Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
