The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had someone challenge my thinking recently and just thought I'd share. This week when I walked into my F2F meeting I made sure to sit to the right of person holding the meeting. I knew that I was in a bad way and that I needed to shut up and listen. By sitting there I'd be the last person to speak, if I spoke at all.
Anyhow, someone said what was on my mind and I wanted to jump up and say "Amen!" I'm tired of cutting the A slack and doing all the work to keep my serenity. (Yep, I was in a really bad way LOL)
I'm sure I've said this before but I love Alanon -- and I love my home group because by the time we got around the table we had some of the best sharing and there was laughter and so much understanding. It was wonderful...but...(of course there is a but or I wouldn't be here ) I still was holding on to that Amen if you know what I mean.
After the meeting I went to lunch with my old sponsor who was in town, I hadn't seen her in about 8 months. I love her, she is full of peace. She looked at me and told me what I already knew only she told it to me with what she saw in me.
In Alanon we are allowed to feel what we are feeling, we are discouraged from stuffing our emotion. Anger is an emotion, it is part of who we are as humans upon this earth. We are allowed to be angry. And as she put it "we can be angry until we are sick of being angry and chose to move on from that." Then she looked right at me and said "But resentments will kill you." Hmmmm....
So what I thought I was was just angry, what I really am is resentful. In my case for me to let go of the resentment I have to forgive, I'm very mindful that this is for me not for the other person but darn I'm not sure I want to.....but if I don't it might kill me. Isn't there an option "C" ?? There's a song that comes to mind here that says "I think I'll go to Boston..." Hmmmmm
Oh well, I'm chugging along one day at a time and today was a good day. I'm mindful that we don't ever graduate from this program.
I do harbor resentments... I didn't think I did. "They did X and Y and I didn't say a thing about it... if only they would be that forgiving..." Talk about self-hypnosis. LOL
I was too noble to be angry, so I guess I settled for being a resentful martyr.
I only have a minute, but I wanted to tell you that you are great!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Thanks for this - I am feeling a lot these days, and not all of it is 'acceptable' - so good to go to a meeting and say some of it out loud. Shared one of my deepest darkest last week, and the woman across the table (this was not my home group) just let out a big whoop! She had gone through something very like what I am, a year or so ago, and understood completely. Some things you can't talk about in the big wide world, but you can bring to alanon.
Great insight, I often wonder that exact question..I have decided it is both, anger for the destruction of the life we had....resentment for knowing the life we could of had.....with the A.....however, we have a choice here...keep feeling those things or make changes and feel peace....
Thanks for making me take a minute and think, I am happy....I still get those old feelings at times.....it makes me feel uneasy and talk a mile a minute...however, I have peace...wow...
Thank goodness I found my way to Al-Anon because I was completly unaware of my own resentments and resentment that others feel towards me. Forgiveness for me is easy because I know people have their own lives and think/feel whatever. Also, in Al-anon I learned that I cannot control others, only my own attitude. My resentments overwhelm me sometimes so I know that practicing forgiveness until it feels like my normal attitude is the only solution to this "secret" (resentment problem) of mine.
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"If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed."
•:*¨¨*:•.•:* ♥¨*:•.•:*¨¨ *:• Ancient Chinese Proverb
How about letting go of the resentments because it's a waste of time and emotion? I mean, I have a few resentments and they have nothing to do with being able to forgive the person (not my A). They just surface once in a while. Something will remind me of that person, and then it snowballs. What I try to do is cut it off at the path. Why waste my time and emotion on that person or event? What's done is done, nothing I can do about it. Good question.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I know I have resentments, I don't think it's really possible to totally let them go I just think that they magically appear one day for no particular reason just out of the blue and then I think why am I even thinking about this? I can hold onto it but more as a lesson learned rather than an ongoing grudge that is hurting me. I think about my A and his "girlfriend"? well lets just call her the girl he keeps getting into trouble with... and it doesn't bother me until I get to thinking about us getting back together someday and then I think I don't know if I could ever forget that or be able to look at him the same again. Is that resentment? I don't think it hurts me, I don't dwell on it and obsess over it. It just pops up and I think on it for a bit and then it's gone. Sure it hurts a little but not as much as it would have when I first came here. So tell me is that resentment or is that just lesson learned?
Given the situation I am often become angry. I have learned not to hold onto it for long. Not giving ANYONE free rent in my head anymore. If it is something that I can deal with then I do. If it is something I can do nothing about then I figure out what I need to do for myself. Sounds selfish but so far it is working.
Of course being human this doesn't always hold true but life sure is getting better not harboring it for too long.
lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
I always return to my anger, my anger is from a pain, the only way for me let go of the pain is to forgive the one who put it there....so unless I want to keep going in the same circular "e" - motions then I've got to really work my program....I think I'm just having growing pains...
) I still was holding on to that Amen if you know what I mean.
