The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so glad I found this site!! I can tell I need it real bad!! I have such a long story it is hard to know where to begin. I don't know if you all want to read it all but I guess it will do a lot of good for me just to write it down and get it off my chest. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I feel sooooo bad about everything...I know it is the depression slipping in and I feel myself going away...and I don't know what to do to stop it...or I don't want to do anything about it anyways.
Well let me just say that I am a daddy's girl and very very close knit family.at least we were. I am 26 and still live at home..we live in an basement appartment at my parents place. We are LDS so if you don't know it we are real strict with alcohol and drugs and stuff and that was what I was taught all my life.
Growing up my father was wonderful and I remember only the good times. He took me everywhere six flags, skating, piano lessons and was always there and always my confidont and friend.
Well I got married young at 16..kinda a bad situation...and I think it put a lot of pressure on him. And we stay with them so it also puts more pressure on him financially. Anyways he took a job that was 4 hours away from home and from my mother. And he has been doing this for the past 3 years..and it was with this change up in our routine that my father's addiction became our living hell!!
He starting slipping away from us a little at a time..mother and i didn't know what to do and she tells me everything which is probably not a good thing but I am the only one she has to talk too..so I try to help her as much as I can. I hate that she has been put through all this. but anyway, little by little we began to notice behavior changes and we didn't know what to do..we cryed an dprayed like crazy and so we were just at a loss because talking didn't help and begging and pleading for him to come back to us didn't help..he still kept up the driniking..but there was something else too..he was doing cocaine also about 1gram/day we found out.
Anyway, long story short we have been dealing with this for the past 2 or 3 years and it finally came to a head when he was so wasted out of his mind it was bassically a suicide attempt so we had to call the police to come and get him. He was supper angry for a while but has since then gone to rehab and graduated.
and no for my problem now..it has been 90 days since his rehap program and I have found that he has relapsed and is drinkng behind our backs...I don't know what to do...is there anything I can do to help him or stop him from going down this awful path??? please help with any advice that you all can give!!
(((((((Tricia)))))))) <==== these are hugs by the way
Welcome to MIP. I am sorry to hear that this disease has affected you and your family, but you are in the right place. Many of us relate to what you are going through and it is tough, but there is hope, for your father and even moreso for you!
We all wish there was some special thing we could do, or say that will turn things around for them and there just isn't until they decide its time to quit. There is alot you can do for yourself.
Reaching out here is a wonderful step.
Checking out meetings in your area, reading all the literature you can find and posting here are things that have helped me.
The good news for you is that he did stop once... he knows what needs to happen to stop, so it is possible he will do it again for good some day. Which day... well that is up to him.
I have to run, but I am so glad you posted and I hope you will continue, it can be very freeing to know you are not alone.
Take care of you!
-- Edited by rtexas at 09:25, 2007-05-30
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I would also suggest you and your mother attend face to face (f2f) meetings, al anon is a wonderful thing. There are a world of things you can try to get your father to quit drinking but none of them will work if he doesn't want to. I recently lost my best friend who was 36 from alcoholim. My husband is an alcohlic who is now sober. He decided to get sober after I had no choice but to walk away from it. It was mentally taking me down with it. Your mother is going to have to find her own healing and hers will be different from yours. Going to meetings begins your recovery and that's all you can do is work on your own recovery. Only your dad can make his recovery. You can talk with him but try not to have expectations. I have found that alcoholics will only let you down when you expect anything from them. I'm glad you came here. Keep coming back.
I am so glad you found the board. Welcome and keep coming back and checking the posts. It is a wonderful place for ESH. THere is also chat, someone is there 24/7 usually.
This is a great site for you, it has given me a lot of support in the last year, its tough when it is your parent, my father is an alcoholic also remarried to an alcoholic, we hardly talk at all now but once enjoyed quite a good relationship though in hindsight not as good as I thought, I was in quite a lot of denial about it,
Welcome to the board. I am 20 and both of my parents are alcoholics. My mom's alcoholism affects me more. I am an only child and I, too in some ways, "I am the only one she has to talk too..so I try to help her as much as I can" - she has a couple friends but they are extremely busy with their lives so she can't always talk to them, so I'm here for her. If you need someone to talk to or anything send me a message.
Hi hon, I know that the LDS movement is very strict on addictive substances. However, one of the things I was shocked to learn, as a jewish person, is that all of the outside boundries in the world cannot control alcholism. I thought "No one in the world will understand what it's like to be Jewish and have alcholism in their family." I was really surprised as I got to know people that it's more common than I thought! I was like, OMG! I think also the more you open up, the more you'll feel okay with being you, however you are. I'm really glad you're here.
I'm new here to. This is my first post. I too was daddy's girl but daddy was an alcoholic. He was long before I was born. I saw him go through many rehab periods, I know how a slip feels. I know the dark your talking about. My dad did eventually stop drinking sadly he only had a couple good sober years before cancer took him. So I didn't get to spend alot of time knowing the sober him. It's been a few years since he's been gone. The one thing I have come to believe and accept. It was not my fault, his drinking was not my fault and his sobriety wasn't for me either. He was the only one that could controll his life. When he finally stopped drinking he told me about Al-Ateen which I was at the time. He wanted me to go but I didn't think I needed to. I'm finally coming to realize and admit I do. I need help dealing with what growing up with an alcoholic parent does to and makes you. My dad is gone,I'm not actively dealing with an alcoholic dad anymore. So I hope it's ok to be here.
You didn't Cause the drinking You can't Control the drinking You can't Cure the drinking
No matter what you did, you are not the blame for your father's disease nor his relapse.
This is site is for anyone who has been affected by someone's drinking (substance abuse). Some of us are still living with the active drinking/user, some of us have adult children that are drinking/using and some of us haven't had contact with the alcoholic/addict in many, many years.
What we are try to do here is learning to live Happy, Joyous and Free regardless of the actions of our loved ones. We are learning to take care of ourselves and help ourselves become healthier people. And to give love & support to others who are hurting like we are or were.
Keep coming back, don't give up before the miracles happen in you - You deserve it.
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
