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I am not sure how to handle this one. I went to a f2f meeting on Sunday night which is a women only meeting of all 12 step groups. It was a great meeting and quite helpful in that participants were priviledged to hear sharings from all views of the addiction disease and it's effects on everyone.
HOWEVER, there was a lot of profanity in the sharings...the F word was used quite liberally. It seemed as though when one started the rest just jumped on the band wagon and off they went sounding like a bunch of sailors on shore leave. I found it quite uncomfortable and considered leaving but didn't want to make a scene. I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure how to word it and there were a bunch of tough girls at that meeting. I have talked to other girls that have gone to this same meeting and don't go back because of the profanity used. After the meeting a few of the women talked as though they would be at the meeting this evening that my DH and I chair at our church.
My quandry is this...if the profanity is started how do I handle it? Do I just interrupt them and say something like "I don't want to offend you however, we do not tolerate the use of profanity in this meeting".
I know all about the "take what you want and leave the rest" but if profanity is tolerated in the meeting I would not be suprised if the regulars that come would all get up and leave if something isn't said to put a stop to it.
Any comments or suggestions are welcome. Thanks Barb
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
My understanding of the Al-Anon meetings is although we have the "take what you like & leave the rest", we also have the responsibility & right that if we feel that something is happening at the meeting that is harmful to the healthiness of the group; then we can either ask for a group conscience on the topic or even do a group inventory.
I understand that this may be something beyond your control, we can't make people not use curse words - but maybe if approved thru a group conscience, it could be added to the "Welcome" that we ask that all members strive to maintain sharing in a fact based manner, avoiding fowl language and/or name calling.
And that's just an off the top of my head sentence. Your group could say it however it needs to - if approved thru the group conscience.
Barb, best of luck to you - I know sometimes when I'm upset, my mouth may be a little bit trashier than I would on a normal day, but I like you, would be very uncomfortable hearing those words thrown about at a meeting all the time.
Wishing you Peace, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Perhaps you can arrive a few minutes early and ask the chair of the meeting, if he/she when they do the opening, make an announcement asking that they keep the profanity down. Maybe such as "Please be respectful of others and try to keep the profanity down to a minimum. while sharing." We ask people not to talk while others are sharing, why not this?
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thank you very much Rita for your response. After reading your response I actually said outloud to myself "I knew that, why didn't I remember it?" LOL
I think that is one thing I love about this forum, it's like using my call list to call someone, discuss an issue and find out that I already have the answer I just need to talk my way to it.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I went to a couple AA meetings(with ah) and they did this too. One had a group of bikers and this guy threw out the f bomb non stop. I cuss but not this bad and not in front of others. I may say S*** when I stub my toe or something but I prefer to carry myself with respect. I know what you mean. It's like you can't say something because you know you cuss but then again you don't need to hear it when your trying to find peace and maybe it's me but I don't find peace when cuss words are all around me. I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say I totally understand where you coming from and I understand. It works better when you have kids and you can say "excuse me but I don't swear around my children" lol Kinda hard when your all alone. :)
Mobirdie, I believe you have every right to expect the meeting to be conducted in a manner that does not include profanity. The use of profanity is totally unnecessary in expressing one's self, and even on this board, I refuse to reply to anyone whose cursing language offends me. A day or two ago a poster here used a word I believe to be obscene. "Define obscenity", one might ask? No doubt about it, the word, c*** is an obscene word that should never be used. The F word seems to be in common use these days...Where has our civility gone??????
So much for that. Yes, dear one, make your concerns known, and insist upon a clean-worded meeting. And good for you for taking on the subject. It is one I have wanted to talk about for a long time.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
This is something you may want to bring up in a business meeting, and voice your concern. It may be some others are thinking the same way, and just havent said anything like you. If it truly upsets you, voice your opinion, it is as simple as that, and see where it goes from there. Or you can speak privately to the group rep, or if you have a suggestion box you can drop a line and put it in there. I am a group rep and if there is anything reguarding how the meeting is run etc., I am always open to listen to concerns , or suggestions etc.
