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I center my life around alcohol - i find a way to connect anything and everything to it; i blame my actions/thoughts/lifestyle-related things on the fact that I have alcoholic parents.
How do I stop this? Ever feel this way or do this?
Dear one, things are as they are. There is nothing you can do to change the fact that your parents are alcoholics. To blame them for your every negative thought or behavior is counterproductive. Lay the responsibility square upon your own shoulders, and work to begin to understand the true reasons for the behaviors and thoughts you do not like about yourself. I believe when you can separate your actions from theirs, you'll be on the right road.
Good luck, and best wishes always,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Ever hear of the 3 A's? Awareness, Acceptance and Action. If you feel like you have a behavior... any behavior, that is getting in the way of your greater good, it's a good thing. It means that you are growing and becoming honest with yourself in some new way.
I have other behaviors that I am having to deal with in the same way. My big one at the moment is making my own plans and not waiting of the approval of others to carry that out.
One day at a time... take the time to think before making decissions, and acceptance of my tendancy to blow my own plans off all the time... and voile, I have a chance to do something different. I just have to DO IT! LOL
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I was told once that I couldn't blame my A for my bad behavior.....he just wasn't a good enough excuse. hmmmm
For me this was a lesson in Maturity. I had to become mature enough to accept my actions and their consequences and quit shifting the blame. You see, all of what I was saying was partly true, it had the ring of truth....it was kind of like saying "Yeah but...." like here's my excuse.
Once I became aware that I was doing this -- that's when I was able to realize how much I did it. Like you said "everything" was his fault. Sometimes I would just be irked or having a bad day and I'd realize that I was blaming my A .... and he hadn't done anything. What a handy exuse for my bad behavior. Look at him NOT at ME!
Another thing I learned was that I had to "own it" before I could give it away (turn it over) That takes maturity...accepting yourself exactly the way you are, becoming aware of those things that are on the inside that need work and then taking action to become the person you want to be. It's a process, a journey.
It doesn't happen in a day...just your posting this is a great beginning. Have you got a sponsor, they can be so much help in keeping balanced while working thru some of the bigger things like this.
You have to be aware before you can accept something and take action to change it....you are at the beginning -- Awareness is a good place -- a place of growth.
Iblamed alot of my unhappiness on my parents alcoholism. Parents alcoholism just is not fair is it? Then again life is not fair.
How I eventually came to grips with it were a couple of thoughts. 1. They did the best job they knew how. This I truely believe. Things did get a bit insane at our house, but I know that they loved us and wanted the best for us. and 2. This is the one that gets me straight. I am an adult, they are not doing anything to me now. I am doing it to me now. All of that happened then. I am responsible for my happiness now. Alanon has helped me with alot of my issues from being raised in an alcoholic home. Many I wasn't even aware of. I quit playing "The Blame Game" Thank goodness.
Since you have learned what you lived you have to find a way to relearn new behaviors. A's have to do that as well. Once you are taught a learned behavior it's tremendously hard to relearn something else but you CAN do it. You have recieved wonderful posts here. I believe if you look hard enough you will be able to find a way to learn to live without having alcohol be the center of your attention. I wish you the best of luck. Please keep coming back.
Am afaid your not gonna like this much but here goes anyway . Unfortunatley we teach people how to treat us , we have no personal boundaries and they just do what works for them . When I was able to take responsibility for my part in the relationship alot of my anger dissapeard . I had choices and most of the time I chose to do nothing and allow the behavior to continue . Some one told me when u take the ME out of BLAME all u have left is bla bla bla , I know u won't like this anymore than i did at the time but I got the message loud and clear . Louise Children don't have choices adults do. when we know better we do better .
-- Awareness is a good place -- a place of growth.