The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Living with an addict/alcoholic seriously affects our feelings of self worth. We constantly have guilt from thinking somehow, someway we are responsible for anothers addiction. This can lead us into thinking we dont have the ability to do anything right, and can develope into a real sense of self-hatred. I know for me I concealed my feelings for so long, and pretended that everything was alright, but in the inside I was in a great struggle feeling worthless, and a failure, as a wife and a mother. This is what addiction does to us, and in my case I became numb, a person with nothing left to give to myself or anyone else, especially my children. I felt totally and utterly hopeless. I was so enmeshed and interested in what the A was doing or not doing, that I forgot about myself along the way. Alanon has taught me to start focussing on myself, and thus began my journey into building back my self esteem and self worth. These are some of the questions you can ask yourself...... Do you treat yourself well physically, mentally and spiritually? Can you accept your physical appearance? Do you eat the right foods? Do you get enough rest? When was the last time you went to the doctor/dentist for a check up? Do you like yourself? Do you associate with emotionally healthy people? Have you considered buying yourself a present? Can you praise yourself in accomplishments that you do? One of the illusions that many of us have is that another person will take care of us and that another person can make us happy, especially the alcoholic, to meet our needs. A sort of mini 4th step for us to remind ourselves to take care of ourselves, as in the end if we dont take care of ourselves , no one else will, and that is a fact.
Wow! AHA! You just explained many of the feelings I have been experiencing, but have been unable to accept, verbalize, figure out, understand, take ownership of, etc, etc...Especially the part about feeling like a worthless failure and wanting another to take care of me with the expectation that those feelings will go away. In reality, I don't want to rely on another, but my crazy head is like a tennis tournament between two octopi, balls flying everywhere. I am working very hard on taking care of myself and learning to rely on myself for my own happiness and success. It is not an easy task, but thanks to you and the others on this board we are all making progress.
where I run into problems, or at least recently, is I run into the "I am unworthies." I have become accustomed to living in crisis where things are emotionally dark and painful and I have learned how to nurture myself through these times. As a result when someone else is interested in nurturing me--perticularly if it is someone interested in a relationship--I freak. It's like "OMG, if you knew, if you only knew!" and some how, that rationalizes to myself why it is you shouldn't (note that I didn't say wouldn't) be in a relationship with me. I talked with my sponsor about this this AM. she said something that stuck with me: "you have a choice now how you treat people and yourself. You have learned how the disease of alcholism functions in a family and how it affects you personally. You are not a pre-programmed robot! You are a living, loving, full of life human being with the opportunity to live life ODAAT." Me: "I guess I'm very scared and I hate to admit it." Sponsor: "I didn't say that you wouldn't be. I didn't say that you wouldn't make mistakes. As I grew in recovery from where you're at I think I said sorry to Thom [husband] 500x/day. I didn't know how to express myself, my needs, my problems, my fears. but the point is rather than shrivling into a corner--which is what you want to do--I took the risk to learn about myself. That's what I want you to do." Nobody said it would be easy. *grimace*
No, most of the time and most of the time. Need to work on the physically like eating right and starting to exercise and been smoking lately after quitting for over a year. I think I'm with Tiger as far as the imposter syndrome thinking someday they will find out what a slacker/sham I am. Sometimes my mind and body are not in agreement and I will talk myself into laziness. I don't sleep enough. I have really be working on being a more caring and present mom I wasn't doing too good at that before either but in the last month or two I have improved greatly or so I think anyway. I think about the A less and less all the time and it's more of a pop into my head for a moment and then gone rather than the constant obsession it was before. Can't say enought about getting busy = getting better. I don't have time for bs anymore!
Over the past 2 months I have been struggling in an area of self-care. The DENTIST!!!!
Must be something my HP is working on in me - cuz everywhere I go and a lot of things I hear are DENTIST, people having DENTAL WORK, DENTAL appointments, Dental, dental.
Have tried to make an appointment before, but just couldn't or the line was busy or the office was closed, blah, blah, blah - excuses, excuses - I'm ashamed to say it's been about 8 yrs since I've been to the dentist!!
But I just made an appointment for next week - Thanks for the little push - I needed that.
Peace, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Do you treat yourself well physically, mentally and spiritually? Yes, I believe that I do.
Can you accept your physical appearance? How do you mean that? I do the best I can with my looks. I wear a bit of make-up, dress appropriately, keep my body in good shape. I accept my looks, but try to improve on them.
Do you eat the right foods? Yep. Ocean fish, veggies, and fruits. That's all folks.
Do you get enough rest? Yes. I sleep eight hours each night.
When was the last time you went to the doctor/dentist for a check up? Saw my family practice doc this morning. I take good care of this body of mine. It is my temple, and as such, should be kept healthy and strong. I see my dentist regularly. (Maybe that's because I have a huge crush on him...LOL!) But then there is Bad, Bad Bill too. I am such a flirt~
Do you like yourself? Absolutely!
Do you associate with emotionally healthy people? Yes, I do.
Have you considered buying yourself a present? I am very good to myself that way. I buy what I want, but I am good to those I love as well.
Can you praise yourself in accomplishments that you do? I am pleased with the way I have conducted my life. I have not done many things that I regret or of which I am ashamed. And... I've had a whole hell of a lot of fun!!!!!
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 21:45, 2007-05-24
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
