The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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"Part of my A's program was to not lie. To face truths and conflict. When he did, he realized it was not as bad as he had always thought." -debilyn RE: More on Dry Drunks
Goodness gracious, just like I say it in my dreams. The problem is not the specifically the alcohol, it's the parallel behavior.
We went out to eat and our daughter opened the car door into the next car...a good little ding. She was so scared, I told her not to worry, but to NEVER do it again. Anyway, I caught up to AH and told him quietly about it, he got all stressed out and was going to run out and move our car to another spot. This was crazy to me, I was thinking more like...do I tell them in person or leave a note?. He said no way, if we do that we will have to pay for it. I said, then we will just have to pay for it then. I left a note but never heard anything from them. That's not the point. He was stressed the whole time, with a look like he just couldn't wait to get the heck outta dodge.
Right now AH is not drinking, proving to me that he can deal with financial restraints. It's been about 2 days, but I don't have much faith in that. He will rob piggybanks, write bad checks, or just steal the stuff if he doesn't go to program. It is so aggravating, just one block away an AA meeting takes place several nights a week. I have restrained from even telling him what times the meetings are, or even mentioning it at all. Occaisionally I will make snide remarks about his breath or the bottles I find, but I have not even said that I want him to stop for at least a couple months. He is a loner, and will not go by himself. He gets these anxiety spells over the simplest tasks, where he shakes and misplaces all his stuff. He will only go if I take him there and hold his hand. I think he will go if I initiate it, but I don't want to. I am tired of having to initiate everything...I'm downright sick of it. I'm sick of alot of things. Goodness, when I started this post I had no idea I was so angry. Here I am, holding back angry tears, about to snap at anyone (the kids) who approach me. Too bad the alanon meetings are not as frequent as the AA, I have to wait till Wednesday and of course...still no sponsor. Guess I will have to settle for jogging. Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
One good thing about this situation is that you can remember everything you are going through and this help others. That's one thing I thought of while it was happening to me is "remember all of this". My theory was IF and that's a big if, if I made it through all of this still sane and my ahsober made it out....I wanted to remember how I got there. Believe it or not, the hell and chaos made me stronger because everything he did to me mad me mad and made me want to get away and do things to better myself and my children. After a while I realized "omg I can't take this anymore" and kicked his butt out and life got a million times better. I had lived in hell so long I honestly forgot what a calm and normal life could be like. It was so nice to have peace in my life. My children had their mother mentally back. You were saying that your AH gets anxiety attacks, I know when my ahsober started to try and quit that he would also have anxiety attacks and that's because of the chemicals going on in his body. If you ah is really trying to quit then have him take a multi vitamin to help put back chemicals that he was depriving his body of. It will really help with the anxiety. That feeling of anxiety is why alot of alcoholics keep drinking because if they drink that panick feeling goes away. It feels like this pending doom hanging over your head. It's horrible. I hope you find a sponsor to help you. You have us :)~ When my ahsober finally got sober I reminded him that he would have to relearn normal behavior. Like yours, mine would lie. All the character traits of an alcoholic my ahsober had. Now, I have to learn patience and help him know that it's ok to tell the truth and it's ok to hear me argue over things and for him to know he can get through it without a drink. I helped him learn that problems will come and problems will go and that anxiety does go away. Sorry to ramble. Your in my prayers. I hope things start to get better for you. BIG HUGS.
The A I was with was and totally financially irresponsible. He really needed to file bankrupcty but would not. He would make some crazy payment plan with a creditor and that is one reason we ended up homeless. He would also not work. He would play games on the comptuer for years. He always had someone to blame. It was never his fault...never ever ever.
I feel for you.
I also envy that your A is trying to get sober. No matter what the consequence the A does not. I think prison may do it. I have read letters when he was in prison he went to 12 step. That is in decades past. He has some intimacy then with an old girlfriend. We had none.
I sitll feel for the A but I mostly feel for me these days. Living with someone who is totally irresponsible is wearing. Living with someone who is irate most of the time and manipulative totally exhausting. I deserve more.
