The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After being through a few relationships with A's and facing my lonlieness, I have detached so much that I can go weeks without seeing someone I am dating. It feels like my heart has turned to stone. I feel like I just don't care anymore. A man I was recently dating called me and said he couldn't date me anymore. I just said okay and it has not phased me at all. His exes would cry about him leaving...this is the story he told me. He said he still wanted to be friends, but I told him I wasn't interested. I have plenty of friends. Is this a horrible attitude to have? I just really don't care anymore.I think I learned to detach so much I am numb.
I have that as well. I don't see anything with it personally I think it's a wall to keep your heart from hurting. When Mr.Right comes along he will break through it and there will be NOTHING you can do. I know he'll come one day for you.
Kissers, naturally I don't know about you, so can only say about me.
Sometimes when I feel what feels like numb to *me* because my natural inclination is to be super-involved (as in overly reactive to romantic relationships), I realize eventually that I've grown to be a toned-down version of my former self and that for *me* being toned-down in intensity of feelings is a wonderful indication that I've grown and healed.
Other times, when the "numb" feeling spreads to indifference to nearly everyone I'm close with, spreads to indifference about caring about my sleeping, eating, and hygiene ... then I eventually realized I am pretty depressed and if it's for more than a few days at a time that I need to get the objective examination of my doctor.
So I'm not sure whether any of this applies to you, but just wanted to share my experience, strength, and hope in case it might help you or someone else reading to figure out a little more of what's going on for you at this time.
I don't think it's depression. I am not neglecting myself at all. I just don't care about trying in relationships anymore. I was always trying and it didn't work, so I've grown very tired and don't care anymore. I don't care if I ever have another relationship again.
I think this could actually be part of the recovery process.Maybe some oldtimers in the program could verify it.I remember reading somewhere that sometimes we have this sort of shut down period for self protection for a time.The pendulum has been so far one way while we "over-loved",now it has swung far to the other side and we find we just can't care anymore.We are tired of being hurt after all our efforts to just love someone.But as we move on in our recovery,the pendulum will swing back to center and we will be willing to open up again.
I think I may be heading into that 'shut down' period myself.Since I have let go of all the cars I was trying to control (see my last post) I have decided to just stop looking for love,and just let it find me.
I discribe this as "just not worth the effort." Right, wrong who knows....it is what it is for the moment. It would personally irk me if someone were to tell me that I should "act" a differnt way than I was, just because others have acted different LOL...good grief. Call me jaded, I don't know, but I think that as you work thru your program, you will find a place of comfort that is healthy and good for you. Then things may feel different for you.
We often question ourselves too much...for this moment in time, it is what it is -- everything changes. Don't rush yourself.
There are no "have to's" I have learned that there are no "musts" that I have to be one way or the other. In program no one tells me that I have to be in a certain relationship or have a certain attitude about this or that. This is a one day at a time program. Acceptance of the present is best and loving your self is often times more important than loving another. Love God, love self...love others. You are a complete person and don't need someone else to affirm that you are totally acceptable. Your HP will do that unconditionally along with your own self.
