The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
ya just don't feel? Or what you do feel is like you sorta have the flu, but don't.
Ya have tears just ready to spill out and you are just holding them back?
Ya don't feel like smiling or laughing? And it hits you how alone you feel, yet you appreciate big time what you have, however your zest or joy is not there?
It is so opposite of how I have felt most the time now. I know I am jaded. Been so abused I guess that when someone blows it one time, it throws me into a huge pit. pitiful pit.
Met a new friend, a gal who is a bird rescuer. The circumstances don't matter, was nothing horrible. But she was very angry and mean to me and it was not warrented. She told me she blew it. I don't care if she did or not. I feel no ill will. I am not perfect.
She is a nice gal, just gets grumpy and when she is, it is not pleasant. She is almost physically ugly when she is.
However after hurting so horribly badly from A, it threw me into being very emotionally and physically sick. I have a few disabilities that make me so unable to handle any kind of upheaval in a healthy way.
i can say I am ok, but my digestive system will prove totally different. Just another legacy from aism
I don't believe most people really "get" how horrible aism can be on the un A one. Especially if you are very sensitive. I have never been called a B by anyone else or yelled at. Never had my dreams and my interests so degraded.
So I am working hard, then took today off for a bit. Letting it be what it is. like any wound it will heal when it does.
wishing i was not like this will not work. looking at the positive does not work as I do that anyway. I honestly have no blame on her. all I know is I am not doing so hot. It is lasting too long too. Been three or four days.
When you suffer from depression, and ya usually do very well on meds, then ya feel like this, it is scarey as you know how ya used to go thru this for a month at a time. or more.
soooo I am doing my best to take the days at a time. do what I have to and watch my silly animals.
You know.... it is like when ya feel. "I want my mommy." Or ya want to just crawl into her or his arms and be held a minute or more. ya want someone to maybe just hold ya.
i ask my hp to hold me tight. remind me what makes me care if i am here or not.
Do you ever forget and stop loving your A? Do you stop loving the sun when it is cloudy and raining?
I believe, for me, if I love someone I always love them, always.
anyhow, I really want to know if you guys relate and how you feel and what works to get out of it, or are you like me and accept it and in time it heals and you are back....
hugs, love,debilyn saying, please hand me my piggy printed hanky
I wish that I had wise words of comfort to offer you, but right now I don't.
Your post has me in tears - especially the part," do you ever forget and stop loving your A?"
Yeah, I can relate. I feel like I am forever broken. I know I will be "whole" again, but I don't think the pieces will ever have the same pattern, and all those tiny little cracks will remain forever.
You are not alone - not only because of HP, but you are also in my thoughts.
((((((((debilyn))))))) I've been there many times - the only way I know how to describe it for me is that it's like a "flatness" or as I say, "I'm in neutral."
When I get like that, I cling to my HP and Al-Anon. When I first came to Al-Anon years ago, someone suggested that I buy myself a rose or something for myself. I thought that was a crazy idea at the time, but as soon as I could, I bought myself a rose, something I had never done before. It helped! It taught me to be extra good and loving to myself when I felt "neutral".
So now, when I start to feel that way and nothing negative has happened to cause it, I do something for myself that I don't ordinarily do. I tell myself, "this too, shall pass."
The last time I felt that way, it didn't go away soon enough so I went to my doctor and found that I had a severe bladder infection with no symptoms. After treatment, I was okay.
I hope some of this helps and that this cloud lifts soon. You're definitely not alone.
All I can share with you is.....Our illness is on the inside..And that makes it very hard to see or understand....I have been through my whole life much the same as you have been describlng....
I take great esperience, strength & Hope from your posts....Always...
Just remmber on the bad days, with the bad feelings, "It is just for today.
You are a beautiful caring person. And are worth alot to Al-anon...Both to give out help AND to receive it...
Awwww honey. Sad you are feeling bad. I'm not in a good place right now either.
I can't actually work out why I feel like I do,just I know I feel like I'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth,and not sure where I'm heading. It's not a nice feeling. I have lots to look forward to,so really can't figure myself at the moment.
Some days I just feel tired of papering over all those cracks. Some days it seems like I've got it all covered,and there are other days when I feel like it's all just about to burst open again. I don't like that feeling.
Time for me to get busy methinks. If only I could raise the enthusiasm......
I have posted this before. I do not know who the original author is. A very dear person sent it to me when I was in the midst of my own personal hell.
Will be keeping you in my thoughts.
lilms
Friend Today I hear you crying and my heart bleeds in pain. I want to run to you and wrap my arms around you. I want to tell you that all will be okay. I want to tell you that I feel your sorrow. I want to tell you that the darkness you see today will go away. I want to take your hand and guide you up the steps that lead out of the pit of sadness and despair into the sunshine. I want to shroud you from the world and wipe away your tears. I know that no one can heal before it is time. I know that no one will hear before they are ready.
No one can reach you from behind the wall while you close your doors to the world and so today I cannot sit with you and tell you all that is in my heart for you. I want to shout out to you all that I know, in the hopes that it may help you, yet if I try I may overwhelm you and lose you. I understand.
I know you need to sit in peaceful contemplation and in your own time pull yourself out. I want to be there for you in some way and so I give you what I write. My thoughts - the insights I gained from the pain.
There is more - so much more.
I have been where you are today and I have felt alone. A world filled with people can leave us feeling very lonely when our little piece of the world seems so out of place. But you are not alone. My beautiful friend you are amongst so many talented and brilliant people who are in their own pit at this very moment, who cannot see the unique gifts they bring to our world just as right now you do not know how incredible you are. It seems that intelligence and creativity at times comes with a periodic sense of endless darkness. Many great men and great women have been where you are today - including Abraham Lincoln who accomplished such remarkable deeds. Please keep telling yourself that this place where you are today is not forever. The place you are today is just a rest stop - you will see sunshine and laughter again. Please be gentle with yourself and you will find this rest stop much shorter than if you start calling yourself names.
Many of my thoughts - I know you know -but maybe today you have forgotten. I hope some of my words are new enough to change the way you think today so that tomorrow you will feel the haze lift up from your eyes and you will feel the warmth of the sunshine on your face. From inside you is the strength to end your pain, though today you will not believe me. Today just be a comfort to yourself and try to turn your focus from the negative. Do not feed the negative thought that is running through your mind. Know that today you do not see the world as it truly is so please, do not make decisions from the place you dwell today. Today simply try to find the smallest joy and wrap your body and mind around it. Today just rest and love yourself and know that I care about you and that I am sending you all my blessings. You are not alone. Take only what words you need, my friend; I will not be offended if you should choose to be alone. Just remember when you decide again to return and join humanity ... I will be here.
__________________
Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
I feel like this a lot. Years worth of stuffing my feelings inside have left me feeling numb quite often. I feel tears are in there, waiting to be released.
Things build up and my emotions are expressed at the wrong time, like @ work. It might look as if I'm upset over something @ work when in actuality it is a build up of emotions from other situations.
It's difficult sometimes to recognize my feelings and to recognize them as IMPORTANT. Sometimes it is so difficult for me to express how I feel to another person because what do I do when I express myself and end up feeling like the person doesn't care?
Guess I will try to go with the flow and accept all these emotions......
