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Hey guys I hope all is well. I've been reading a little, but not posting much, and I have to mention something that I have seen on this forum that I have not seen in ANY al anon meetings that I go to. (Fortunately for me I live in an area that has many, many meetings)
Anyway none of us ever use the term "my alcoholic, or my A" sometimes I will hear a term like "my qualifier" but never the former. This has been on my mind for sometime now and I thought that maybe it would be a good time to share about it. Now don't get me wrong, I am not trying to tell anyone who uses it that they are wrong. I'm just mentioning what I am familiar with. Anyone else not familiar with this terminology?
Personally I think that the only person who can label themselves as an alcoholic is the alcoholic themselves....that's why I mention it. Take care all! And please don't be hyper-sensitive about this...
Yes, I've heard this term, I think it's $5 term for a loved one in active disease personally. I also think it was a way that professionals devised to get people who wouldn't go to al anon to go so that they could see that it really doesn't matter what substance was being abused, at a certain point, we could benefit from our own program, or at least some help for ourselves. Although, like I said yesterday, some people come, stay for 1 year maybe, and are okay. And they know that if they decide "Okay, my life quality sucks again, I'm going back to al anon!" we're always here, no matter what, period, end of quote. And other people come to al anon for a month and are like "Okay my life quality sucks, but I don't like this." and they'll go to therapy, or they'll go to church, they'll find a way to get better. Personally, I'm concerned about "celebrate recovery" because it emphasizes if a person "just comes to church" then all their problems will be solved. *cringe I can only speak for myself, I had to do alot of outside work to get a grip on my problems first. So....
I have heard this both used often in the rooms. I was at first a bit uncomfortable with it and then began to realize that many use it to maintain both their anonymity and the anonmyity or their qualifier. In keeping the focus on ourselves does it really matter whether the person is our husband, wife, daughter, son, friend. We are all affected and the focus is how we are affected not on who the person is.
I choose to share that my qualifier is my husband, however, many do not choose to share that except with people they are close to.
In our group we simply say "the alcoholic in my life" etc etc,. It really doesnt affect me in any way when one shares how the term is used, I am more interested in what they are sharing.
I agree totally with gardengal on this one, and as far as calling him an alcoholic...it is clear to me that my "qualifier" is an alcoholic, and, "I calls 'em as I sees 'em."
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 08:37, 2007-05-14
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I'm not overly comfortable with the term "my alcoholic", I never really have been, even though I have used it. I know my husband is still an alcoholic and always will be, but he has been sober for 15 mo. and worked hard at it. For me, that label has really bad feelings connected to it. It just feels like if I call him that I'm not recognizing where he is at today.
Even before he was sober it felt uncomfortable. He is not the total of his disease and I really have never cared for labels. I've often heard the disease compared to cancer or diabetes. I used to hear "if he had cancer or diabetes you wouldn't say/do this or that"...In fairness if he had either of those diseases I wouldn't label him "my cancer" or "my diabetes" either.
It's just MY personal preference. To me, he is my husband.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I agree with you Christy, I think the label can have certain condentations, depending on how it's being used. Your (rhetorical) husband/dad/whomever may be an alcoholic, but I personally don't feel comfortable when people call a family member "their alcoholic" I don't feel like the disease defines the person. I feel like it also takes the focus off of ourselves.
The point of this thread is to inform those of you that are new to al-anon that f2f meetings are very different from each other, as well as this forum. And you don't have to label a member of your family as "your alcoholic" if your not comfortable with it....somewhere on this forum it just seemed to be the norm.
Again, I'm not saying that anyone is wrong for using it, but I think if I were to stumble across this forum and saw all the labeling it would turn me off. Or I wouldn't know that it was a (debatable) inappropriate term. That is all, have a nice day.
