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Hi everyone, My story is that I seperated from my Abf six months ago. The relationship was turning me into a hateful person. I felt to seperate was the only way I could cope. It was the best thing to do, for both of us. Despite this decision we love each other very much.
Since then I have been feeling somewhat bereaved. I miss him like anything (the caring person he could be, not the drunk). I miss his company, even though I have family and friends. I miss him a lot. I guess this is a stage I have to go through, to mourn our life together.
He's on a mission to drink himself to death. He's lost his job, lost his family, has no prospects, just doesn't seem to care at all. I don't keep in touch with him anymore, mainly because he doesn't want me too. He says I'm better off without him.
The drinking caused so many of our problems. I am not faultless and am well aware of this. I take my share of the blame. However, the disease took away our relationship. It took away our life, our dreams together. I don't think it will stop until it takes him as well.
I feel very scared and alone in this. I know I can do nothing, except pray for him. I just wanted to share this with someone who understands. Thanks for listening. AM
I can identify with you soooo much.. I am also In the same position...Only mine was a good friend who I got into a relationship with, only for him, to admit he was scared, and couldnt handle it..He is a recovering A(over 5 years)...
It hurts me so much..And the worst part is I do miss him.....We live very close to eachother so It's in my face 24/7....
I still love him, want him...But I am starting to realise he cannot love me. for today... So I need to just pray for the courage to accept this....
As they say you never know what tomorrow will bring....
Sending you HUGE ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
Have you written letters? I'm talking about the kind you dont send. This helped move me through the grieving process. It's hard. The letters I wrote were to my father, his disease, my house, my mother, all the things I've lost. It might help you feel peace.
Annmarie, I know your heart is breaking, but you have a good understanding of the past, the present, and the future. I know you'll be just fine. Take good care of yourself.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I'm sorry to hear so many others are experiencing this pain too. I sat down and wrote pages of letters last night. I cried buckets, and I do feel a bit better today. I'm exhausted with it all, but the fog is lifting. I'm done with analyzing now. I don't have the energy for it all anymore.
Is is so hard to accept that we can only watch our loved ones be taken away by this cunning disease. But, sadly, that is all I can do. I know we will never be together again, and I know I am recovering myself. I just pray he could find a path to recovery too.
thank you all for being there. It means so much yours in recovery AM
I know the hurt you are feeling. It is so heartbreaking and unbelievable when you truly love the person, and this disease turns them into someone totally different, but you KNOW deep down inside is your wonderful mate. It is the worst feeling in the world.
My prayers and hope are with you, that you can find some peace, and yes, the prayers are so wonderful - just pray every day for him, that he find some kind of peace and love in his life, that he finds his pathway, whatever that may be. HP has a plan for all of us. Remember that you may just need time away like you are doing to grow and grieve, and you may be friends with him again, and who knows? Right now you just both need to find your paths.
Believe me, I know that sobriety is possible. Although I tend to wonder when my sober AH may fall again, I am appreciative that he had this DUI and is serving time to work on his path. It IS always possible that they find sobriety. I prayed for him it seemed 50 or more times per day. BUT, also pray for yourself and for strength and peace. I wish we could go out for coffee and talk, I know when my heart was breaking I tended to want to isolate and daydream and mope about when he was with me, and what I had lost, but the busier in life I got, the better. It really is true. You WILL get stronger, and feel comfortable and happy, it just takes some pain to get there unfortunately.
