The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For those of you that dont know my husband left Saturday (again) but this time it is different... Why ?? Because I am different. I ask him to leave and even gave him $$ to leave. I didnt cry ( at least not in front of him ) and I didnt BEG him not to leave !! I kept praying about when was the right time to take off my wedding ring. Well after cleaning, mopping and sweeping I realized my diamond was missing.. I panicked and walked thru the house only to find it on the floor right where I had just mopped. Ok, I get it ... now is the time. So I took it off.. Then I was worried because my husband hadnt given me any $$ for household bills then last Thursday my boss ask to see me and gave me nearly a $10,000 year raise !! WOW, now I know that my HP is at work... Each day I pray for my HP to give me the strength to get thru another day without calling him so far I havent called not once. Sunday he called me and I just didnt feel strong enough to talk with him without being sucked back in so I didnt answer the phone. He stopped calling and hasnt called since. I am not saying that I dont miss him and wonder if he misses me but I am saying that I dont deserve to be called names, belittled, lied to, and ignored.. I deserve to be loved and that is what I want I cant settle for anything less. not anymore.. I love my husband so much this really hurts but I know that I am doing the right thing.. I have let go and let God and I cant take it back now.
Please pray for me as I break the addiction to my husband of nearly 21 years together..
You are right, the path you have chosen is not easy. What in life is easy. There is a real calm in me when I have thought something through, made a decission and am confident it is right for me. It helps me stick to it.
You are right where you are supposed to be right now, you made sure of that... and that and your HP will get you through. When you feel like second guessing a sound decission, you have us.
Take care of you! You deserve it!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Love it how HP gives us what we need when we need it. Takes a lot of fear out of it -- or at least makes it manageable!
Keep taking steps forward...remember the 11th step "praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." He'll give you that strength!
As you know I am so glad to see how much you are growing and becoming stronger. Unfortunately we go through so much pain to become stronger, and to love ourselves. It took a long, long time for me and though I have lapses into wondering whether I am worth anything, for the most part I am strong, and don't worry about the future too much. I admire you for taking care of yourself, keeping strong, going to meetings and reaching out so much. All of those things continually helped me to heal and to regain some self-respect (don't know actually if I ever had any!!) and be a better person - I think - more able to love and forgive and take care of others by example. The stronger and less clingy and emotional I was, the more respect it seemed I got from the alcoholic, and other family members. And especially, finally, the more respect I had for myself. I always thought loving and respecting yourself was kind of selfish, but I found that it is so rewarding and fulfilling, and I know that taking care of ourselves is not a bad thing now.
Love you and (((BIG HUGS)))), keep your head up and keep doing what you are doing....
