The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I dont even know where to start... My life is such a mess. My A husband and I have been riding this wild rollercoaster since it seems like forever. Really it has been 2 1/2 years. We seperated in September then 5 days later he received a DUI, I thought that was his rock bottom. Although we were living apart he was getting help and admitted having a drinking problem. I thought we would have a chance. Then he moved back home in February and things became rocky pretty fast. He said he cant forgive me for kicking him out in September and leaving him a few years before. We fought, fought more but I was still hopeful that he was going to get well. Then I realized that he was drinking again, shortly after I realized that he had taken my zanax the Dr. prescribed to me. Then he began to fall into the same old routine. Easter he left me stayed in a hotel for 2 days then came home and told me how confused he is. He is in a battle for his sole and loosing it quickly. Then last Sunday he was so mean to me.. Calling me horrible names just saying horrible things to me. I didnt cry for once, I just sat there. Then I said,,, I cant do this anymore, just leave.. Go be happy !! I had been praying for signs and I think that I got them. When cleaning I realized that I lost a diamond from my wedding ring. I had been cleaning all day moping the floors etc.. I walked thru the house and there it was .. Amazing, right there.. Well, needless to say I removed my ring. Then my husband told me he was moving out and I was stressed about everything and Thursday my boss gave me a raise. Well, today he moved out. I did okay this morning but this afternoon when I came home and all his stuff was gone it hit me.. Wow, this is it !! It has to be it, My emotions are going CRAZY today.. One minute I am so SAD the next I see the rainbow on the other side of the pain. My daughter came home from work and saw that her Dad had moved out and went outside and called him. I thought she was okay with this but I can see the hurt in her eyes too. I havent called him so that is a HUGE thing for me.. I am trying so hard not to call him, no contact . I cant, for me I cant.. How do I begin? How do I start over ? He was my only love, my heart for so many years and now my heart is broken. This disease has stolen my husband, my dreams of growing old with the man that I love are up in smoke.
This is really hard but I know that I will get thru this..
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am new to all of this, but after reading everything I could on codependancy and still having that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and anxiety coming out of my ears, I made a commitment to myself to go to alanon meetings regularly. For me that is once a week. I had to force myself initially, but now, I feel bad if I don't make it to my meeting. It takes a lot of courage to reach out, but things can get better. You are worth it!
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Be good to yourself.
It will get better & your emotions will settle down but you must remember to take care of yourself. Work on YOUR recovery & trust your HP to take care of what you cannot. Your friends at MIP are praying for you & we all wish you the best. Hopefully in recovery too.
Tammy I completely relate. The whole thing you posted is very my life too.
I took one day at a time, grieved hard. Did my best to survive. Was real easy on me. I am not kidding it is a major loss. Your whole life and reality has changed. It takes time for this continuation to become familiar.
When my Dad left I was crushed. What helped was my mother being strong. And also we had a family dog, Lady a Boxer that helped so much.
Something to hold and be close to helps. Maybe you can get your daughter an older dog or kitten?
Give yourself as much time as it takes to heal. The longer you do not contact him, the more healed you will become. In time you might be able to talk.
I cannot even look at mine. Just hurts too much Tammy. So I stay away. he has always been the man I loved. always. so it is impossible for me to be around him.
Things have changed though for me. I really believe I could love another man now.
What helps is to think about your needs and give them to you. Treat yourself very tenderly, you have a broken heart, a real serious wound.
Keep coming here, it helps so much. Also chat helped me more than I can ever esplain.
Sending you a ((Hug)) and a reminder to take gentle care with yourself. Especially now, your physical, emotional and spiritual self needs that gentle, loving care.
Please remember we, your MIP family, are here for you.
One Day at a Time, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
