The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think I have come a long way since first finding this board. I remember when I first moved out I thought my life was over, he was my life and I couldn't imagine it without him. I lost more than 1/2 the family income and had no idea how I would support three kids on my own. Here it is eight months later and I'm still kickin.
The last time my A came over I gained acceptance - something I had not done before - and decided that I do love him I just hate the disease and that he is going to die soon. I decided that I would treat him as if each time I saw him were to be the last and one time it will. I let go of the bitterness and resentment and grabbed onto the love. I don't think my interest in his situation is anything other than love for him as a person, my former best friend, the father of my children. It still makes me sad, but I have come to accept that we can't be together and that he is not going to get better he's going to die. I have accepted the fact that he will probably be in prison for several years.
I think it's possible to support someone emotionally without enabling them. Before the acceptance came I couldn't separate the two I just hated him for everything he has done. When I saw him something inside me clicked and it changed my outlook on everything from him and the things he does to dating/having to have a man, to my responsibilities. It was like a complete shift. I can love him and show that without having him move in, sending him money, or rescuing him from himself in any way.
I am going on with my life, living it from day to day and really he takes up a very small space in my mind. I am busy, focused on my thing and the kids, making friends, meeting people, trying to expand my network, trying to heal from being sick, thinking about how to get more income, possibly moving, possibly changing jobs, I guess my point is there are so many things in my life now that need my attention and on here it seems like it's all about him because that is the topic of this board (loving an addict/alky) but in reality when I started 99% of my mind was consumed with him. Now he is the 1% and 99% is the rest of my life.
I would want to go to him but I don't think I am strong enough yet. I know I'm not. But you seem to have really faced your feelings and your honesty to yourself is definitly inspiring. You do what feels best for you. Your motives seem clear and this program teaches us it is more than ok to love an alcoholic. Keep that love in your heart. Mine is gone for the moment and feeling bitter and angry sucks. Stay in that place of love if you can. You're doing it!
I remember when you came here, and yes, you are MILES away from where you started. I'm so glad you've found your way to this point. You've done it rather quickly too, in the big scheme of things. Your hard work and will to move forward is something to be proud of.
You've come to know and share that there is a life outside of being wrapped up in A'ism and it's ability to devistate lives. I absolutely love stories like yours on this board, I wish there were more.
*I raise my glass (of Mountain Dew) to you*
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
OMG Girl - You are awesome!!! I hope you know what an amazing inspiration you are for me!!! I hope that some day I will be where you are. Some times, some days I think that I am. But then I end up taking a plunge backwards and have to struggle hard to gain my momentum again. That is where I am currently. Took that plunge backward and I am just stuck treading water, trying to keep my head above water, praying for my momentum to build back up before I go under. Your post has given me encouragement...I can do this. Thank you so much for your post.
How awesome for you to have regained your life. Your post makes me smile!! From my understanding of recovery, your post is what it is all about. Learning to detach with love with the A and learning to love ourselves enough to Live our lifes.
Sounds like you are living Happy, Joyous and Free regardless of the difficulties you are being faced with today - so very glad for you.
Thanks so much for sharing your recovery with us.
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
You are on the other side of the coin....Well done for realising whats important in your life..
OMG, it's so hard to move all your focus from the A in your life..I'm trying to accept, I can be a normal independent person without him in my life....I love him, I want to be with him..And he is in Recovery six years....lol
Does it ever get any easier for us....who knows..
We need to make the best of what we are given, make each day count..... (I heard that line in the movie "Titanic"..lol
See we need to have the humour in our life...Just remember what we had, and Yes we always wish we could get it back.....But I keep hearing the phrase..."If It's Meant To Be, It Will"....
Keep on, keeping on, you have the positive attitude, PLEASE don't lose that...
