The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I never thought it was my attitude that might be the problem...
Growing up in A-home, I learned to really use my brain to try to figure out the situation--I was a smart kid and I read a lot of self-help as a kid trying to figure out how to help us all. The pattern I had was to read, read, read and try to diagnose and figure out the problem. My solutions were things like, "I know, we really need to eat dinner together!" Or, "I know, we should all spend Christmas singing Christmas carols". I tried to rope my A-father who was basically absent back into the fold just by wishing so hard he would join us. I didn't realize that the real problem here was alcholism.
As an adult, I got involved with someone who has addiction problems. Again, I thought I could use my brain to help--why don't you exercise, if you just took a walk, you'd feel better. I read an article about dieting that might help...why don't we read this self-help book together...
I realize now that my attitude has been that I had "the light & the key" to the problems of other people in my life if only they would listen to me, they would get better. In the process, my attitude was often condescending, derisive, and spiritually hurtful--I was full of fear and so I tried to control and manipulate those around me into recovery. At times, I felt my lover belonged to me, and it was up to me to control them into recovery.
When I first got into Alanon, I couldn't wrap my mind around detachment to save my life! Slowly, gradually, by working the progam, I have begun to detach from the addicts in my life despite myself. That's growth for me, and it's a miracle that I celebrate!
I used to read the self help books myself and then one day my therapist said "you should NEVER read those books unless you have a counselor to discuss them with because you could easily misconstrue (sp) what they are trying to say and it could be dangerous" I still read them here and there but I am very careful. I'm glad that you are finally understanding detachment, it was a slow and gratual thing for me but one of the better things I did for myself. Good luck.
(((((((BlueCloud))))) i'm ... agreeing w "friend of yours"... that a sponsor can be sucha blessing to help understand the steps (not just the books, lol) but the steps a sponsor can make things so much more clear and with an easier more gentle fluency in learning how to detach with love from those you have turned over to their own HP. a sponsor will guide to help you understand alllll the things your mind and your spirit are awakening to. help you to place yourself ina better state of mind and therfore help with finding a better attitude , behaviour..to hold ...to become you. many blessings.
your in my thoughts and prayers. "Get Busy ~ Get Better."
take care of ((bluecloud. ))) it will show on the outside when you feel that very own personal ~peace~ thats there for you to possess through HP/God on the inside.
Yea, me too - thought I had all the answers for the loved ones in my life and when those answers didn't work out - then I carried all the blame too.
Like you, I'm grateful to be in a place where my attitude has changed, where I can keep practicing "Let Go & Let God" - Giving my loved ones back their dignity to make decisions for their own lives & I get to make decisions for mine (with of course the guidance of my HP)
The saying "It works if you work it" at first made no sense to me - then like a light bulb - oh I get it - finally clicked - It does help me to work it.
Thanks for sharing, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
This brought me to tears, because it describes me to a T. I am the Queen of Self Help Books and I seem to take the attitude that I am the light and the way.
Thank you for making me see how much I need to work on letting go and on giving my loved ones back their dignity to make their own decisions (Rita)
a sponsor will guide to help you understand alllll the things your mind and your spirit are awakening to. help you to place yourself ina better state of mind and therfore help with finding a better attitude , behaviour..to hold ...to become you. many blessings.
"Get Busy ~ Get Better." 
~peace~ 