The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How do you let go of the anger? I attended a family counseling group last night at my husband's out-patient rehab. At first I told them that things between us has been about 75% better. The groups topic last night was communication. As the session went on, I realized that I kept my anger about the past inside me for so long. The counselor asked "do you want to let go of the anger you still feel?" I said that of course I do, I just don't know how. So that is my question to you all. How do you let go of the anger you felt when you were all alone with his/her disease? How do you try and start over now that they are sober?
Sash, I was mad mad mad for a long time, so I can relate. All I can tell you is that from my experience, this is an emotion that we have to allow ourselves to feel. If we can't let ourselves feel it, we have no hope of dealing with it.
Doing my 4th step helped me deal with this anger a lot, and I have to say the portion of resentments toward my AH was nearly a book. Putting all those things down on paper helped bring clarity, and helped me to understand WHY I was angry about some things I didn't even understand. I also discovered that I wasn't really angry about some of things I had always thought I was, and surprised by some of the things I was. It turned out that I was still mad at him for even BEING an alcoholic. Until it came out on paper, I really didn't know. It was very cleansing and helped me to make a huge step toward dealing with that anger so I could actually begin to forgive.
I am not totally free of that anger just yet, but most of it has subsided. When something old comes up, I try to add it to my 4th step so I can figure out why I am still angry about it.
Clear as mud, right? Anyway, I hope you can make enough sense of it to take something out of it.
I forgot, Sash, I also read a couple of boks that I found very helpful, although they are not CAL. I bought them through Amazon and Barnes & Noble. They are 'Of Course You're Angry' by Gayle Rosellini and Mark Worden and 'Reclaim Your Family From Addiction' by Graig Nakken.
I found a lot of helpful info in these books about anger and addiction.
I found f2f meetings very helpful in this. For some reason, speaking the truth out loud to real people, in the same room with you, robs it of much of its power. Just SAYING how angry I was, (several times) really helped the anger to leave. Journalling would also help, possibly.
One thing that helped me greatly was to live in today. Not yesterday. The "feelings" from the past are only that, "feelings". When I look at them closely I can see them for what they are, a manifestation of my own mind. What caused those feelings no longer exists so I choose not to hang on to them. I live in the now and look to the future. Looking back only upsets me and I really don't like to do that to myself. The same goes for resentment. Who does that hurt? Me. Life is just too damn short.
My husband is sober and went through hell to get there. That's all I ever really wanted from him, to become the man I loved again. He came back from the drunken fog he was in for 20 yrs. I have the utmost respect for what he has accomplished and what he has made of the "sober" man.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
