The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Some of the people I work with work over-time. At a meeting recently, one of the owners was hinting about us working over-time. One of the employees offered to bring in her son to work. The guilt feelings started bubbling within me, then I think about what is best for me and for my children. I felt very angry that an employer would have expectations that their work is more important that someone's child. I know if I am overworking and tired I will become irritable and that it could effect my children. One of the women I work with starting complaining that she had to work until 8:00 pm every night for a week and I didn't. I thought about this and I am not responsible for her feelings and choices. She had the ability to say no to the owner.
Right you are! I agree. Many employers take the attitude that if you do not want to do the job, on his/her terms, someone else is waiting to fill the position. This is a poor way to do business as far as I am concerned, but, yes, your employer obviously thinks the job is more important than the employee's children. As far as the pettiness is concerned, you'd be smart to stay out of that. Pettiness only leads downhill for all involved.
Best to you,
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I read a book recently called EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES and in the chapter called "Histrionic Vampires: The Ones HollyWood Forgot", it detailed how in situations where making choices about work v family, money spending, et cet people who are "Histrionics," which is to say, drama attn seekers, they use guilt first to persuade others to make the choice for them. They create reactive situations as a means to an emotional end. In this case, *cue the intense overarching tone* How could someone NOT want to work up to my expectations? Do they honestly think that I can make this business run on my own two small hands? How could these people BELIEVE that I of all people take care of things? As I look around my life, I find that people who are "drama seekers," and I fit into this pattern from time to time, what's really going on is that it's easier to create a smoke and mirrors fiasco than it is to say what I need. From what I can tell, your superiors are saying "I need people to pull OT. I'm not sure when. I know you have families. I feel guilty about needing people to pull OT. But I don't know of another solution." But rather than saying THIS, rather than putting THIS out into the OPEN, s/he's playing games. Then your colleague gets involved and points fingers--basically playing the martyr game. "My suffering in life is greater than hers!" "My crises in life is more dire than his!" "My needs in life are moreso than his!" Just as your colleague could have said no to her superiors, you too could have been assertive; you could have said "Excuse me, but I don't appreciate that remark in this setting. If you would like to talk about something you percieve as unfair, we can talk with [insert boss' name here] privately, but right now we're in a team meeting, and that's not appropriate." KUDOS TO YOU! You realizd your boundries were crossed and the inappropriateness of the croassing. Now take it to the next level--verbalize. Be direct. Set direct boundries.
