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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> A is getting more dependant
Post Info TOPIC: A is getting more dependant
RainyJamie


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A is getting more dependant
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We took our daughter to a B-day party that was a long drive. My AH woke up shortly before we left and got right in the car, so I know he didn't drink at all. When we got there he was a little awkward with the other parents and his face looked...just like he wasn't feeling well. I got him some coffee and sat by him. He went to get a slice of cheese for a cracker and his hand was shaking so badly he dropped the cheese a few times. Honestly, he has always been a little shaky for another reason, but this was much worse. It was painful to watch. There was no alcohol at the party and I considered going somewhere where he could get a drink. Part of me wanted him to have a horrible withdrawl and get it out; maybe it would help him see what's going on. I don't believe he had a drink while we were gone (hey, he has suprised me before). When we came home his driving was pretty bad, he kept closing his eyes and I had to keep prompting him. Of course he will not admit anything is wrong at all.
I don't know if I can watch him fall apart like this. It's one thing if he's being a jerk and behaving badly. I don't feel guilty then. But I feel sorry for him when he is like this.
Jamie

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debilyn


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I find it hard to even watch my AH walk. He does not have the confidant walk he used to, no sexy cowboy anymore.

The whole thing makes me horribly sad.

How horrible it is so have known a man I loved so very much, his body still there but he is no way the same person. It is like a horror movie.

Your  ah could die pulling crap like that. If he decides not to drink, he needs to go to detox.
He was dope sick plain and simple.

He knows how sick he is every moment he is awake.

Mainly wanted to give ya a hug and say a prayer for you and your A.

love,debilyn who still carries her love for her A in her heart, and she also carries his love for her there too.

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abbyal


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I feel sorry for them too but they also have  to evnetually make a choice to recover or not , getting him a drink would have been giving your permission for him to go on  drunk again. Until he becomes responsible for his own mess absolutley nothing will change .  With drawl is painful and dangerous , and of course he was out of place at party  no alcohol to ease his discomfort  .  I  have a question for you  why are u letting him drive u and daughter anywhere?  Your life is more valuable than that . Please start to take care of you.

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Friendofyours


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Don't feel sorry for him at all. Inform him that drinking is a neorological thing. It can mentally mess his nerveous system up. This is the only withdrawl that can kill someone. If he's shaking then he needs medical attention so he doesn't have seizures. When he is sober let him know that you are proud of him and you understand how hard it is but you know he has strength within himself to beat this. Sometimes encouragement will help them more then anything. My ah(sober) still shakes some from all the years of drinking :( It's sad to see that but he did do it to himself. Good luck. He needs to be following up with a dr about his shakes.

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RainyJamie


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abbyal wrote:

  I  have a question for you  why are u letting him drive u and daughter anywhere?  Your life is more valuable than that . Please start to take care of you.

I don't have a driver's liscence and am trying to find someone to teach me. Lessons with the AH didn't go well and I have become very isolated in this small town. The fact that I can't drive has made my situation seem pretty hopeless at times.

Also, my AH wasn't trying to stop drinking. He just simply didn't get an opportunity when we were out together. He chugged a beer as soon as we got home and is out driving around all by himself now. I don't know how I came to put up with this.
Jamie



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Becky1


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(((Jamie))))
I don't really have a lot of ESH on this, as I am still in a marriage to my active A, who I love with all my heart and soul. There are days, as deb mentioned, that I carry my love for him in my heart, and carry his love for me there also, sometimes.

He doesn't think he has a problem, and has not mentioned not drinking, except for a day or so here and there (maybe a couple of times a year!)
I can relate to how you felt, you just were ready to give in and GET him a drink. I know that is the totally wrong action to take, but I know what you mean. The destruction of this disease is horrible for all involved.
I just wanted to give you a big HUG.
I know not having a liscence can be so isolating. Hope you are able to get one soon.
Glad you are here.
Love in Recovery,
Becky1

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