The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH text me in the middle of the night last night. I didn't get it unti this morning. "I'm glad you are over me but I am sad you are over me" "Can't say I am sorry enough. Wish I could turn back time " "Glad u can sleep, I can't under the circumstances-love u 4ever" "Scar tissue"
What am I supposed to say to that??? I haven't a clue. I could say that I didn't get over him over night like he seems to think. That it has been building over time. That if we could turn back time, I would have spoken up a lot sooner and ended my misery earlier. That I have had so many sleepless nights worrying about whether he was alive or dead, coming home or not, who was he with and what were they doing. And scar tissue?? I have so much scar tissue over my heart from years of heartache and disappointment that my heart is hard as a rock.
But why do that, right? It isn't like it will make any difference to him. So I have decided to "Not Respond". He can read whatever he wants into my non-response. And in doing that, I am keeping the door closed to misinterpretation of my words.
When I came to this decisions earlier - it felt good. Now if I can only stick to it. Thanks to all of you for your ESH and continuing support. Y'all are the best. Sincerely, QOD
A great decision on your part, in my humble opinion.... When I hear what he wrote in the text, it sounds to me like "stay stuck with me, I need/want to stay exactly where I am, but want some company in my misery".
Good on ya...
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
New on this board but not to Al-Anon or to mixed feelings. 8-)
>>But why do that, right? It isn't like it will make any difference to him. So I have decided to "Not Respond". He can read whatever he wants into my non-response. And in doing that, I am keeping the door closed to misinterpretation of my words.<< Admire your decision to choose not responding. I have learned to use that as an option; used to always feel obligated to respond (to anyone) and can usually think on my feet so I responded very quickly. Thankful to have learned to wait at least a bit and sometimes to respond not at all.
>>When I came to this decisions earlier - it felt good. Now if I can only stick to it. Thanks to all of you for your ESH and continuing support. Y'all are the best.<< For me, practicing the habit makes it easier and easier to stick to my decisions to wait before responding and decisions not to respond at all. I believe I've experienced at least some of your feelings; you're not alone.
How hard it is to have boundaries. I've beaten myself to a pulp about when I should have stepped out. I didn't. I stayed. I gave it more than I could have, should have or it deserved. I did more. He did less. He still does less.
I gave up eventually. I think that helped me in this transition where we move hundreds of miles apart. I know I do not have to respond anymore. I have my own space. In time if I don't find a job the space may be a storage locker with my possession but it will be mine.
The A of course wants everything. They want to suck the life out of us when they are sick. I see the A demand demand and take no responsibility and I wonder why I didn't see it before. I see him demand I be Mummy, Daddy and the works and give nothing back.
I also see that I always jumped at the chance to prove I was worthy when I was regardless of what he was doing.
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